Wednesday, April 20, 2011

"Honey, have you seen my Filthy Cock?"


One reason to go to Hawaii is to see things you normally wouldn't see here on the Mainland. Oh look, a stop sign that says, "whoa" because it was near the Parker Ranch, home of the original Hawaiian Cowboy. How clever is that?

The other reason to fly 2500 miles across the Pacific Ocean is the shaved ice. Or so I'm told by my two daughters.

They could care less about snorkeling, volcanic craters or black sand beaches. They'd fore go all of the above for some ice shavings drizzled with fruit flavored sugary chemicals. In this respect, they are less like boy crazy teenagers and more like easily-excited 7 year olds.

As a father who sees their youth slipping away, I'm more than happy to indulge this last vestige of childhood. If it means not having to deal with boys, dating, drugs, drinking and the drama of young adulthood, I'd fly them around the world for shaved ices.

But I know their innocence is on the wane. And so do the owners of the Mamalahoa Shaved Ice store off the Hamakua Coast. You see while my wife and daughters were enjoying some Papaya/Mango/Pineapple concoction, I was scoping out the souvenirs offered by this fine establishment.

That's when I spotted the finest in Hawaiian Hygiene care:




Though the purchase would have been hard to explain to my family, I opted not bring home any of this smartly packaged soap. In fact, personally I think it's a huge scam.

Upon further olfactory examination, I couldn't tell difference between the Filthy Pussy and the Filthy Beaver.

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