The Siegel Family Tree

Things may be winding down for you as we prepare for the Christmas Holidays (is the War on Christmas still going on?) but they are heating up for me and my favorite Hong Kong Attorney, Mr. Lambert Liu. Affectionately known to me and my 8 loyal readers as Mr. Adam Lambert.

Let me reiterate, I know from my detailed study of the analytics and web traffic numbers that these scambaiting posts are not my most popular. And yet I persist.

There's just something so fundamentally appealing to me to string these scammers along from the comfort and safety of my keyboard. I am particularly enjoying this episode as the man (woman?) is posing as a lawyer. 

And manifesting all kinds of semi-legal affectations. 

These adventures also allow me to tap back into my roots, not only as a prankster, but also as a faithful reader of The National Lampoon. I always loved how the writers and art directors at Lampoon dug deep and created another world by filling out all the unseen nooks and crannies. 

For example, in the National Lampoon 1964 High School Yearbook, a must-have for any bookshelf, there is a minor character, a teacher, who is arrested for lewd behavior around the school. This very small story doesn't pop up just once or twice, it is organically referenced throughout the parody yearbook in a way that is seamless. And dare I say artful.

This then has become my North Star in my scambaiting retorts. My friend and fellow blogger George Tannenbaum writes with the goal of 'plausible deniability.' And he does it so well, I have often been caught in his unrevealed fiction. Similarly, I aim for holistic authenticity. A sense that the ridiculous world I have painted for these scammers actually does make sense in a way that more twists than a Brian Boitano freestyle routine.

Alas, the latest request from Esquire Adam Lambert...

Dear Mr. Siegel,

Upon investigation of your claims to the inheritance of Mr. Siegel, we have been unable to establish a relationship between you and the decedent. We therefore request that you provide documentation proving your relationship to the decedent. Thank you.

 

Regards,

 

Lambert Liu

Consultant

Cheung, Tang & Rosemount Solicitors

-----------------------------------------

26th Floor, Jardine House,

One Connaught Place,

Central, Hong Kong

This defies logic as it was Adam Lambert's people who contacted me, saying they had uncovered evidence that I was the sole remaining decedent of my great, great uncle Adrian. But we'll just skip over that and get to my labored response...

Dear Adam Lambert,

I am in receipt of your request for documentation proving I am a decedent of Adrian Siegel, who made his Hong Kong fortune in the Export/Export business. This is fully understandable seeing as we are dealing with a huge amount of money. For me, and equally as important, for you.

To that end and so that we may expedite this transaction and I can replace my now-totaled Chrysler Le Baron, I took the liberty of contacting my white shoe lawyers at Powell, Ellis and Habba. Maybe you've heard of them?

They have prepared a detailed family tree that certifies my direct lineage to uncle Adrian. And his $35 million in gold bullion.

I have attached the family tree diagram for your careful perusal. And look forward to the transfer of the bullion ASAP.

I'll probably need a bigger safe deposit box at my bank, but that is a good problem to have.

I look forward to hearing from you shortly.

Best,

Ted (Richard) Siegel

And with that, I invite you to scope out the Siegel Family Tree