Upon the suggestion of George Tannenbaum, author of Adaged.blogspot.com, my friend and former client Claudia Caplan and I wrote a piece in the vein of the Brett Stephens/Gail Collins from the NY Times. You can see that first article here. We (and apparently some of George's readers) enjoyed it so much, we decided to collaborate again via the magic of Google docs.
Here for your amusement is the second in what we hope will be an ongoing series. Enjoy...
RS: Last week you and I found ourselves on the same side of an issue – we were both banished from LinkedIn. Through some magical formula that you refuse to divulge, you managed to get back on. I remain afloat. Lost at sea like Tom Hanks in the Federal Express movie.
This week, we are on opposite sides.
You have no interest in seeing Barbie, like the other 8 billion people on the planet. I loved the movie and had the temerity to suggest you plunk down your $23 for a ticket, take out a second mortgage for some salty, sweet snacks and treat yourself to 2 hours of finely-hewed cinematic camp.
For our viewing audience, feel free to justify your reluctance. And I will surgically counter each point (I hope) and persuade you into an unforgettable Kidmanesque experience.
CC: It probably starts with freelancing on the Barbie account at Ogilvy LA when my son was a mere toddler. I worked on “Barbie International” and I have to say that the creative folks were like no other ad creatives I have ever encountered. They had zero cynicism. Total Kool-Aid drinkers. They had conversations that went on for hours on themes like, “Would Barbie say this?” “Would Barbie do this?”
I would love to know why you went to the Big Pink Money Suck in the first place. Your girls are much too old to need dad to take them to the movies.
RS: An excellent question. And given our shared disdain for pop culture and mindless TV, one I had anticipated you asking. To be sure, I never had any intention of wasting my hard earned money – caveat: we’re both copywriters so hard earned is a bit of a stretch – on Hollywood garbage. I may be the only man on the planet who has never had Covid or watched a Marvel superhero movie in the theater.
All that changed. Not when my daughters thought I’d love it. But when Ted Cruz, Ben Shapiro and Lauren Boebert decided they hated it. That’s when I knew I had to don my Pink Gap T-shirt and head to the Regal Theater in downtown Pasadena.
That’s the power of my Red Hat revulsion. Their South Star is my North Star. If Donald Trump came out and said he hated broccoli, I’d start eating it by the bushel. Well, maybe not. I hate f*cking broccoli.
Give me more on the XX-chromosome POV.
CC: I just think there are movies that seem to capture a certain zeitgeist, particularly about women, and then we look back at them and cringe at how tone deaf they really were. Kramer vs. Kramer and An Unmarried Woman come to mind. So hip, so edgy, so wrong. And even though I have not seen Pink Hell and will not, that’s the sense I get of it.
On top of that, I sincerely wonder if your average 10 year old girl gets the irony or if this is just a way to up her style game before she goes to the Taylor Swift concert. Mattel has pulled off something they haven’t been able to do in decades. They’ve made Barbie relevant again. They were getting killed by “cooler” dolls like Bratz and by the fact that older girls wanted nothing to do with Barbie and they were becoming toys for tots. Now they’re hip again because of this extended infomercial. Mattel executives are high-fiving themselves all over El Segundo. I can hear the meeting now:
“Just let them goof on us. I’m tellin’ ya it’ll work.”
“Yeah. Be all feminist and shit.”
“But still pink and cute.”
“Bingo.”
Don’t get me wrong. I respect Greta Gerwig. I absolutely loved Ladybird. But this drek has done a billion dollars at the box office – even though it will never see one penny of mine.
RS: What I’m hearing you say (a disarming phrase I’ve learned from my therapist and have subsequently overused) is that you take umbrage at the crass commercialism. This strikes me as odd, as you and I have both achieved a certain level of comfort by hawking everything from fizzy brown sugar water (Pepsi) to cardiac arrest-inducing cheeseburgers (Carl’s) to overpriced well-disguised luxury ‘Camrys’ (Lexus’.)
As for the zeitgeist, here again we come from two differing perspectives. I’m the father of 2 daughters. My late wife had 3 sisters. And a mother-in-law, who was attached at the hip to a childhood friend from Minneapolis. Let’s not forget my dogs Nellie, then Lucy. When they all gathered at my house for holidays, I was the mayor of Estrogenville. Ergo, I have the cauliflowered ears of an aging boxer who has been pounded over and over again about the ills of the Patriarchy.
We men have had it our way for a long time. And we haven’t done a very good job. Even as I write this, I am sitting in my “Man Cave” aka my Mojo Dojo Casa House. Frankly, it’s high time we Kens get off our high horses – an inside joke for those who’ve seen Barbie – and turn the reins over to the ladies.
We can start by putting Fani Willis in charge.
CC: I have four stepdaughters, four step sisters and a half sister and only one lonely son. But who’s counting? As to work toiling in the vineyards of crass commercialism, that’s what it was! There was no hiding it. There was no lying. In our day there wasn’t even “brand purpose,” whatever the hell that is. (And thanks for the nod to my BMW “Lexus is a Toyota” work).
I just don’t see Barbie as a role model in the vein of say, Hidden Figures. Yes, men have been in charge for way too long and look at what a lovely job you’ve done.
RS: For the record, I only account for 65 out of 4.5 billion of those years.
CC: Ok, you get a conditional pardon. But the planet is on fire as is our electoral system. The only people on the Supreme Court with a lick of sense are the ladies. I have never seen a Marvel Universe movie, but I’m guessing that no one has the superpower of wearing a cute sundress. It just gripes my cookies that real women are uninteresting but an 11” piece of plastic has it dicked.
But go ahead, your job is to convince people to do stuff. Persuade me to go see it. Right after I walk on a million little plastic high heels in my bare feet.
RS: I don’t understand “gripes your cookies”, but I do understand your hesitation and concerns, because frankly they were mine as well. But a little cognitive dissonance goes a long way. The movie is not about Barbie and Ken. It’s more about Ken than Barbie. And Ryan Gosling chews up the scenery like Chris Christie at the Golden Corral Dessert Bar.
The dolls are simply the vessels. They represent the separated worlds we live in. And yes, the messaging is overwrought. And superficial. And fashioned for the Tik Tok crowd. But so what? It’s funny. Moreover, Ms. Gerwig manages to take inside-the-park potshots at so many classic movies including (spoiler alert): The Godfather, 2001, A Space Odyssey, Grease, The Shining, West Side Story and even Boogie Nights. That alone is worth the price of admission.
Approach Barbie the way I have approached life for 65 almost-happy years, with severely diminished expectations.
I Kensure you, you’ll be pleasantly surprised.
CC: (Puts fingers down throat)
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