The bagel war

A few weeks ago, there was a big brouhaha. 

Or shall I more accurately describe it as a Jewhaha?

You see some newspaper wrote an article about Culver City's newest eatery and had the chutzpah to declare that the bagels at Pop's could compete with, and indeed surpass, the bagels from the Big Apple. Naturally this sent some tongue's a flapping. 

If there's one thing my people enjoy -- perhaps enjoy is not the right word as we tend to deprive ourselves of enjoyment (more on that later) -- it's a good argument.

Now the whole East Coast v. West Coast Bagel/Bialy Battle just happens to be in my wheelhouse. Some would argue, given my excessive girth, it IS my wheelhouse.

When I was a kid, living in Flushing, Queens, my father would rustle my brother and I out off our 22nd story apartment, into the old Pontiac, held together with spit and duct tape, and head east on Horace Harding Blvd, the access road that ran parallel to the Long Island Expressway. Until we reached Oasis Bagels, ranked one of the Top 5 bagel makers in the World.

Did I mention we would do this on a Saturday Night? Always about midnight. Yet there'd still be a line around the block. But it was important to my father to wake up Sunday morning and have the bagels, the lox, the schmear, the whitefish salad, and the Cod Wings (you Gentiles will have to look that one up), all ready to go.

And who can blame him? 

That man worked harder and more hours than anyone I've ever known. He gave himself two hours off on Sunday morning and then it was back to pushing his oversized aquiline nose back on the grindstone.

A few years later, when we moved to the suburbs, he ran the Men's Club at Monsey Jewish Center. Every other week he'd put out a similar spread for the CPAs, lawyers, dentists and unhappily married men so they could kibbutz and kvell about their lives. 

Oh and smoke cigarettes inside the temple. 

At the end of the breakfast, there'd always be leftover bagels and lox and fixings. And guess who snatched them up to bring home? 

Yeah, I know a little about bagels. And schmears. And schnorers.

So were the writers of the controversial article correct? I can't say. 

The Pop's bagels are damn good. And they even have a superb whitefish salad. But there's something missing...is it the water...is is the dough...is it some ingredient...no, it's New York City.

The Horn and Hardart people might have won a ton of awards for this ad.

 But when it comes to lox and bagels, atmosphere is everything.

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For an especially tart takedown of Jewish food, I leave you with this.