Some peace and quiet

Regular readers of this blog know I have had issues with my neighbor's and their Belgian Malinois (Latin for bad noise) for the past ohhhh, 12-13 years.

My first encounter with these amateur pet owners did not go so well. When I politely approached the 70+ year old matron of the household, she brushed off the constant barking and told me, not in so many words, but in these exact words, "Just fuck off!"

That was followed by the slamming of the door, which because the house is in such disrepair, almost made it come off the hinges. Which would have been such a perfect nose-on metaphor.

That was in 2013. 

You could say since emerging from its puppy state, the dog had never stopped barking. Seriously. Ask any of the adjoining neighbors and they will tell you the same thing. I know because I took the time to knock on doors and suss out the situation.

The unhingedness doesn't stop there. The woman's son who is only a few years younger than me, let's call him Norman in order to conjur up images from a certain Hitchcock movie, is also a few bobs off plumb. In addition to running his power tools during Vampire's hours, he had been taking the dog to Obedience Classes. 

Not just your normal "Sit Spot, Sit" classes. No, these were classes conducted in German. And I would often hear him shouting at the dog in the native tongue of our Hebraic 20th century oppressors. 

"Nein."

"Achtung."

"Bell lauter, um Rich aufzuwecken."

The Obedience School, possibly named Adolf's K-9 Kamp, might have boasted a Teutonic 99% success rate. This dog, the one living less than 75 feet from my bedroom window, must have been the 1% exception. She simply did not listen. And noisily ignored her owners no matter how loud they yelled from the comfort of their barcaloungers and would not be drawn away from their Fox News round-the-clock broadcasts.

I can't begin to tell you how many phone calls I made to the local police and letters I've written to the Culver City Animal Control. At one point I thought about suing the neighbors through small claims court but backed away because I'd have to disclose the conflagration and thus reduce the value of my house for future resale.

I also spent a boatload of money on anti-barking devices and tried my Macguyver hand at building some home made devices with Piezo tweeters.

Nothing worked.

Until now.

One of the neighbors stopped by my house the other morning. She said the dog had died. I could tell from her face that she expected me to act sad. So I did. I know with all my heart this dog was not at fault. And had been dealt a crappy hand to be with such negligent people. And I am a serious dog lover. 

But I am happy. Nay, thrilled. And not going to apologize for it.

I've heard that dog bark for the VERY LAST TIME. Wouldn't you know I just ordered two airhorns from Amazon.