Oh Canada

 I'd hate to accuse our stable genius President of not thinking things all the way through, but on the "Canadian Issue" it appears his actions are bordering (SWIDT?) on insanity.

In the past two months he has constantly demeaned outgoing Prime Minister Justin Trudeau by referring to him as governor. (more on that later)

Additionally, despite renegotiating and rewriting the NAFTA agreements (Google: USMCA) which served all North American nations well, just 5 years ago, he has launched an all out trade war against one of our largest trading partners, to the north.

"They're ripping us off, I tell you. They're treating us horribly." 

It should also be noted it's the nation on earth with the longest land mass border with our once-respectable country.

And, because cooler minds and friendship prevailed for so many years, it is a wide open border. There's no wall. There's very little in the way of guarded border locations. In fact, like the many bison, bears and honey badgers that cross over the imaginary line that separate our two nations, a wilderness-knowledgable man or woman could easily walk into the USA. Or out. And it would be made even easier, if they had a good pair of snowshoes.

But now these Canadians are our enemy. Or so says the crybaby president who whines as often as he breathes.

That's going to stop he adds. Threatening to tariff the fuck out of our neighbors and bleed them dry, until they beg for mercy. 

Here's where it really goes off the rails. As if it wasn't already off the rails and free falling down an inhospitable canyon of cragged rocks, pointy trees and the aforementioned bear, bison and badgers.

He also wants to draw Canada into this new circle of hell and make Canada the 51st state. Clearly he has eyes on their vast natural resources. And since America was built on the foundation of global resource extraction, he can't wait to get his tiny vulgarian hands on their oil, lumber and first world manufacturing facilities.

It's also clear that he believes he can bully them into submission.

Given Canadian's exceeding politeness, I don't believe these hearty people are going to tap out so easily. They eat wolverines for breakfast. Some do, I'm told.

But even if the 41 million Maple Heads (I don't have a good pejorative term for them, but I'm sure Captain Ouchie Foot and his toadie Elon are workshopping them right now) do take the plunge, there's the stone that has not been turned over yet by the crack, strategic Trump Team.

41 million people would make Canada, our newest state, the largest in the Union. In land mass as well as in electoral delegates. Moreover, since these folks, who have a much more liberal bent than even the crunchiest Vermonter, it's safe to assume Canada would lean BLUE. 

That would not just be fatal for GOP presidential aspirations, but congressional as well as judicial. That's two new senators and a boatload of House Representatives that would be coming our way.

And there's nothing our closeted Speaker of the House or his close personal friend Jesus, could do about it. 

The only way around would be to pay each of the former Canadians a huge sum of money, like $130,000 in return for doing something completely disgusting and repulsive. 

I guess that could work.