Arnie Two Palmer

I hate our news media. I also hate to say that because it puts me in bed with Red Hats. I don't want to be in bed with stupid people.

They hate the media because, with no evidence to support their claim, they believe it's too liberal and conjures up stories to mislead the American public. This, despite the fact that the #1 news source for right wingers -- Fox News --paid a near trillion dollar settlement for spreading a ridiculously false story about Dominion "rigging" their voting machine. They didn't.

I hate the news media for their lack of focus. Perhaps because of their "always-on" scheduling, they have to keep feeding the insatiable desire for Breaking News. 

What about Pants-Breaking News?

On Monday night I was eagerly looking forward to the news media skewering our former president, a man with no sense of the dignity or respect for the office, or anything else, who went on a 12 minute public ramble about the incredulous size of Arnold Palmer's penis! You need to read that sentence again. 

But instead of a 3 hour laugh fest and political pundits trying to keep a straight face whilst discussing "President Trump" and his very un-manly fascination for another man's endowment, we got barely a blip. 

I'm sorry, have we normalized and sane-washed this man to the point where he can drone, and drool, about  PGA penii and not give it the full Ken Burns-like attention it deserves?

I'm old enough to remember Howard Dean, a smart, articulate charismatic presidential candidate getting booted from the race for one moment of excessive onstage exuberance. Now we have a twice-impeached GOP candidate, a convicted felon, a sexual assaulter, who tried to overturn an election, conducting a town hall and stumping for the office and lovingly discussing Arnold Palmer's excessive stump!!!

I've said it before and I'll say it again, fast forward to 2124, and a group of American historians holding a retrospective conference about this nation's 45th president. You would need a fleet of hydraulic presses to lift their jaws off the floor.

The absurdity of it defies description.

Moreover, the fact that this race is a toss up puts me at a significant loss for words. And brings out my inner 14 year old. With that in mind I leave you with these famous presidential quotes, modified, and brought down to the level of Donald J. Trump.

"Four score and seven years ago, our forefathers brought forth great logs of lumber..." -- Abe Lincoln

"We have nothing to fear but fear itself, oh (SFX-Unzipping)... and this" -- Franklin Roosevelt

"Ask not what your country can do for you, ask 'oh my god how do sleep with that?'" -- John F. Kennedy