Jack Preacher

After 66 years on Planet Earth it is finally dawning on me that I might have missed my calling. Perhaps I was not cut out to be an advertising copywriter. Mostly because copywriters are supposed to persuade. To allure attention and repurpose that attention towards a sale. Of a product or a service the reader/viewer/consumer had no idea of needing. Or wanting.

I'll come clean here, I'm not sure I ever persuaded anyone, anywhere to buy anything.  

Seriously.

Take my 8+ years of harping on Red Hats to slap themselves on the cheeks and wake the fuck up. I've come at them in every form and fashion. Supplied raw data from the BLS, Bureau of Labor and Statistics. Facts, verified by Snopes and other nonpartisan organizations. Even video, of their Dear Leader saying the things he said he didn't say. And more importantly, things Red Hats don't believe he said. 

I've tried the soft touch. The hard sell. The come-in-through-the-side door Swiftian Modest Proposal. 

I've transcribed, truthed and trolled until I can do so no more (but probably will). 

All to no avail. Because Trumpsters cannot be unTrumpstered. 

And that's when it hit me that I'm much better at preaching to the choir. 

I know that in certain ad circles, preaching to the choir is poo-pooed. But that hasn't stopped Apple from becoming the largest and most successful brand in the world. Affirmation, so I've heard from my 5th or 6th therapist, is a powerful force. It's right up there in Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs. 

Right next to a snooze button on an alarm clock and great lime flavored tortilla chips. 

Besides, now that I've hung up my copywriting cleats, I'm going to fully embrace my role as Preacher. 

Also besides, as I look out onto this choir of 8 loyal readers, it has occurred to me that through my incessant trolling activity, I have successfully culled the Red Hats who no longer want to be badgered by my unique brand of badgery, from the R17 herd.

And who can blame them?

With that I will share my latest handiwork, a choir-affirming T-shirt that not only stops the nearby residents of Culver City in their tracks, but is also gaining traction online. 

I ought to be selling this fashion forward T- shirt, but haven't a clue how to go about it. You'd think after all these years of fueling this nation's capitalism, I'd know how to fuel my own. 

I'm not only a bad copywriter. I'm an idiot.