The painful journey

Today is a special day. But for all the wrong reasons. 

It was two years ago today that I lost my beautiful wife. My daughters lost their loving mother. My sisters in law lost their Rock of Gibraltar sister. My nieces and nephews lost a hugging, welcoming aunt. And the world lost a light that truly shone so bright.

 

I knew this would be hard to write. But also knew I had to mark the occasion.

 

I was asked if there was anything I planned to do about December 21, 2023. A question I also asked my daughters. We hadn’t planned anything. Other than to keep Deb in our hearts. And light a yahzreit candle.

 

Then I thought the best thing to do would be to recognize the date and write about it. After all, I have been exceedingly open about my grief. Which has been therapeutic for me. And apparently somewhat therapeutic for others. A grief counselor once told me, "when you help others you help yourself."

 

Since Deb’s passing, I have had the opportunity to comfort others who have also joined the Club No One Wants to Be In. And even some who are on the brink of crossing that dreaded threshold. At the risk of being immodest, I was told I was the first person they wanted to speak with.

Maybe Deb is still finding a way to repair the world (Tikkun Olam).

 

My friend Jeff suggested I write a book, based on my experience, and call it The Grief Whisperer. Not exactly on-brand for me. In fact, Deb would find it hilarious that anyone in their right mind would come to me for emotional support of any kind.

 

“Next they’ll be coming to you for fashion advice,” she would joke.

 

The fact is, I’m not long on doling out counsel. The other fact is, I don’t have to, because it’s more about listening than it is about speaking. And that’s what members of the Club do for each other. 

 

We listen.

 

Again, and my daughters will attest to this, this is not my strong suit. But in addition to eschewing bread and red meat, it’s something I’ve been working on for the last two years. 

As my friend Jim would say, employ the WAIT method – Why Am I Talking?

 

This may seem like an odd way to end this post, but if I may maul Peter Parker’s (Spiderman) uncle, “Great pain brings about great growth.”

 

I’m still a work in progress.

Have a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year. And let's all be nicer to each other.