The Thrilling Fields

 

Let me begin by saying that in the interest of not ticking off the TOS police on various social media platforms, I have altered the title of this post. Personally I find it offensive and childish that I must do so. 

This amuse-buche of fascism leaves a sour un-amusing, First Amendment abusing taste in my mouth.

But in the interest of serving my 8 loyal readers and in the interest of furthering my burgeoning career as a certified Amazon Affiliate Marketer, I will reluctantly comply.

This summer has not been kind to Ms. Muse. 

At one time, the Roma Tomato plant on her back patio was home to a 5 foot high bush that sprouted more than 2 dozen tomatoes. We waited patiently as they turned from green to less than green to almost bruschetta ready. 

But alas, our vision of warm late summer nights, a bottle of cold champagne and a colorful charcuterie board of Boar's Head meats, interesting cheeses and fresh produce from the garden was spoiled. From the picture above, I think you can tell by who. 

Or is it whom? I've never been great with grammar and not sure if the rules of the Queen's tongue apply when speaking of rodentia.

In any case, the battle had begun. Traps were set. And tied to anchors so the bastards couldn't run away. And, in the mornings that followed, victory was celebrated. Often with colorful emojis that might clue you in to why Ms. Muse and I are a couple.

Not wanting to be left out of the party, and more importantly, not satisfied with the ordnance of these newfangled plastic traps, I suggested a return to the old school traps produced by Victor since 1898. That's right I looked it up. 

And guess what? When the plastic traps failed to snag any of these four legged tomato thieves, the Victor NeckSnapper™came to the rescue. 

Big Time.

Caught up in this bloodl*st, I decided to join the hunt. And my mornings have not been the same. Set your rat-hating eyes on this monster I bagged. I almost entertained the idea of releasing it from the trap and holding up its little ears for a photo, the way big game hunters, and DJTJ, hold up theirs.

For the record, I named this one "Tank". And he weighed in at close to three pounds. OK, I didn't weigh him on the food portioning scale that sits, unused, in my pantry. 

I'm not crazy, despite evidence to the contrary.

At this point you be asking, "Do I feel bad about killing rats that scurry around my house?" No, no I do not. Did you know there are more than 7 billion rats on Earth? That's one for every human being. And like the GOP, they have done nothing to improve the planet. Nothing.

If you want to get in on the rat trapping fun, you can find your American-made Victor traps here: https://amzn.to/3Pw7HwT

Remember there are close to 8 billion of them, one trap may not suffice.