The Botox blues

I haven't written about advertising much lately, but after a a discussion with Ms. Muse, I thought, "now there's something to muse/ramble/write about."

Somehow we found ourselves discussing the state of healthcare in this country, more specifically the abysmal state of healthcare. What makes it abysmal? To a great extent it's the capitalist profit motive. 

In 99.99% of the civilized world, healthcare is universal and and widely available thanks to the State. 

Or as Red Hat Republicans call it the tyrannical, Bolshevik-led Deep State who want to control every facet of our life and deprive us of our god given right to freedom, liberty and expensive medications that can wipeout a lifetime worth of savings. 

Funny thing is, I'd bet 1/2 the equity in my home that most Red Hats haven't a clue about Bolsheviks. Or Communism. Or even Socialism (you know, the Bible). To them it's an all inclusive pejorative not worthy of any further discussion.

I don't give a rat's ass what you call healthcare in the civilized world, I only know that while on vacation in London I had come down with some serious breathing issues, rushed to a nearby NHS hospital and for a mere $50 was attended to, and saved, by three teams of emergency doctors. 

So fuck Lindsey Graham, fuck Mitch McConnell, fuck Mike Turner and fuck any Republican who have deluded themselves into thinking we have the best damn healthcare system in the world.

We don't.

Because the people who are truly in control of our healthcare are not politicians, not doctors, or even specialists. 

They're sales reps.

Attractive young women and men, who roam freely in our medical centers, pimping pharmaceuticals from their roll-on pleather briefcases. From Keytruda to Cialis to Botox™, makers of America's favorite face filler, these are the folks who have the candy, the pills, the potions, the magic elixirs to heal what's ailing America.

Only they don't. And the fact is they should stay out of the medical lane, where they don't belong, and hawk stereos at Best Buy or Toyota Corollas at the next Toyotathon with Jan.

I don't want my doctor determining my medical care based on 'incentives' or worse, 'kickbacks' from a sales rep hoping to peddle another case of Ozampic just to win this month's contest and an all-expense paid vacation at the Hyatt Regency in Kauai.

"Hey Tiffany, let's go parasailing."

I write all this at great risk to my personal career, which is already on a steeper decline than an Olympic ski-jump. 

As many of my colleagues, vocational brethren who once stewarded the brands for Fortune 100 companies but have been aged or salaried out, know, there's a good chance that before I hang up my click clacking cleats, I might be spending time writing Pharmaceutical Advertising. 

And though I got an A in Biology 101 at Syracuse University (newsflash: everyone did), I should not be in any position to incrementally persuade a doctor on any prescription advice for even the most routine case of the sniffles. 

However, I will say, there's very little copy to be written on each ad --which are dominated by legal disclaimers -- and the money, from what I understand, is quite significant. Plus, I've always wanted to make a return trip the inimitable Hyatt Regency, with its pool-adjacent, lazy river, swim up bar, and heavenly southern Trade Winds.

Mmmmm, swim up bar....