Forgive me father

As noted on Tuesday, we are now in that period, known to 16 million Jews worldwide, as the High Holidays. 

I know you're thinking, only 16 million! How can such a small group have an iron grasp on the world's media, financial and accounting institutions? If you were so inclined, you could probably find 10 million dentists who were MOT, Members of the Tribe. 

That 16 million number makes no sense, it's got to be much larger, particularly if you ever tried to get a good parking space for services at the Monsey Jewish Center. Or lined up for bialys at Oasis bagels on Horace Harding Blvd.

But I digress.

Next week, in accordance with tradition that dates back 5781 years, when two goat herders, Morty and Saul, felt bad about letting their flock graze on Irving's small patch of land, and thought, "That was wrong, we should take a day to reflect on our poor judgment and atone for our sins", is Yom Kippur.

"Should we give Irving some extra shekels?"

"What are you meshuga? Let's just feel bad and not eat for a day."

I'm not sure I have a favorite Jewish holiday. But I am sure I have a least favorite one. All that somberness. All that somberness without a chicken salad melt or a toasted everything bagel. Topped with even more somberness.

Worst of all, Yom Kippur is a mindfuck for me. 

Chalk it up to my inflated self-righteousness, but there's little in the year that I feel the need to atone for. Particularly in the past year, where in addition to taking care of my wife, I've had the additional task of taking care of my uncle, who is in hospice care at a shitty, ridiculously-expensive assisted living home that serves as constant reminder to bank some money for the golden years.

Can I be better husband, father, and friend? Absolutely.

Can I have a cheese stick?  Absolutely not.

Nevertheless, I will cop to major sin of schadenfreude. Lately, as I'm sure you've noticed, there has been a panoply of anti-vaxxer, right wing, Christian evangelical DJ's who regularly spew disinformation, giving deathbed pleas to Red Hat listeners about taking Covid seriously. You know, like the rest of us have been doing.

When more than 600,000 of their fellow Americans (perhaps because many were old and brown) needlessly died, these hillbilly boneheads had nothing but contempt and blind allegiance to their former president. But moments before a foot long stainless steel intubation tube was desperately rammed down their gullet, they finally saw the light.

Fuck them. I hope they went to the hot place.

In which case, I'll see them on the flip side cause I'm gonna celebrate their departure with a plate of thick cut applewood cured bacon. And I won't wait until sunset.