The astute among you will recognize this classic skit from the Monty Python gang, who ruled the television airwaves in the late 60's and early 70's. They were so far ahead of their time that I would posit their TV show holds up better than 100% of anything else you could possibly watch in 2020, the Year of Our Demise.
In this timeless piece, Michael Palin poses as a man wishing to purchase an argument from the inimitable John Cleese. A silly premise made not so silly when you consider I spend 75 dollars a month for high speed internet so that I can argue with Red Hats, both anonymous and non-anonymous.
With two months until the eve of our next and possibly last presidential election, I suspect I'll be having even more of these useless encounters. Because no matter how well I present the facts, the data that support my opinion and the logic that even a 3 year old can understand, all arguments with Red Hats go like this:
Me: Are you better off today than you were four years ago?
RH: That's a hypothetical. I don't argue in the hypothetical.
Me: Fair enough, do you know what the US debt was 4 years ago?
RH: Oh you mean after Obummer doubled the debt and spent 10 trillion dollars. More than any other US President.
Me: He spent 9 trillion, actually a little less than that, but for argument's sake, let's say he spent 9 trillion dollars.
RH: Yeah, let's say that.
Me: But he bailed us out of the worst financial crisis since the Great Depression. And he spent it over two presidential terms. Precedent Shitgibbon, I'll be respectful and say Trump, will spend 7 trillion dollars in ONE term. At the current rate of spending he will amass $15 trillion of debt if he's re-elected.
RH: Where'd you get those numbers?
Me: From the US Department of Commerce.
RH: Bunch of Never Trumpers. How do we know they're not in the Deep State?
Me: Uh....OK. What about the healthcare?
RH: What about it?
Me: The GOP has had more than 10 years to produce an alternative plan to Obamacare. Where is it?
RH: You mean ObummerCare.
Me: Yeah, OK. Where's the plan?
RH: They're working on it.
Me: On July 19th, Trump said he'd announce the plan in two weeks. We're going on two months.
RH: Fake News.
Me: It's on videotape. Do you want to see it?
RH: Do you want me to vote for a senile old pedophile like Joe Biden?
Me: Senile? Trump imagines phantom plane loads of black uniformed thugs using "bags of soup" to attack law enforcement.
RH: Have you seen them?
Me: No.
RH: Then how do you know they're not there?
Me: I can't argue with that.
RH: Biden's a pedophile.
Me: There are no charges against him. There's not even any investigation into that. More than 20 women have lawsuits for sexual harassment and molestation against Trump, who admitted on tape that he likes to grab women by the pussy.
RH: Fake News.
Me: It's in the court system.
RH: Fake News. You're just a libtard.
Me: So where's the Wall? The new Trade Deals? The Infrastructure? The booming economy? The federal strategy for dealing with Covid? The denuclearized North Korea? The new treaty with Iran?
RH: Fake News. You're a triggered snowflake. I presented all my facts to you about how President Trump has accomplished more in 4 years than any other president. You just won't listen. I can't argue with you anymore.
Me; You didn't present any of that.
RH: Fuck you, you commie bastard.
There are more than 60 million of these lunkheads. And they're gonna vote on November 3rd. This country is screwed!!!
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