Simmer down Mr. and Ms. Creative Director

There's nothing that amuses me more than stumbling across an article or a post or even an interview with a Creative Director, or newly promoted Creative Director, who feels the need to pontificate about his or her critical role in the business.

For one thing, pontification is, by its very nature, nothing but a lot of hot air.

Moroever, pontification about 'advertising', that is blowing hot air about blowing hot air, has got to be the least readworthy of ventures. Though I have often been guilty of such infractions, right here on these very pages.

But let's come clean.

We are not curing cancer here, folks. If anything, we're pimping shit that does cause cancer: fossil fuel burning automobiles, carbonated brown sugar water and USB-fueled sucky devices that allow our teens to blow big puffy clouds of strawberry mango flavored exhaust in their wake.

As if that weren't enough, there's the laughable delusional nature of the whole thing.

Creative Directors like to bloviate about how they steward brands, inspire creativity and thoughtfully map out a successful future for multi-billion dollar organizations.

OK Boomer.

Or Gen Xer.

Or Ambitious Millennial.

I hate to rain on anyone's Ego Parade, but today's Creative Directors are nothing more than glorified copywriters and art directors.

You're not the one steering the boat.
You're not even on the deck where the boat get steered.
You're tucked away in the galley.
You're pulling the oars like everyone else.
You've just been moved to a window seat and that salty sea air has gotten to your head.

And if you bothered to look at the org chart you'd see a Group Creative Director, an Executive Creative Director and a Chief Creative Officer. And guess what? They're all under the similar mistaken belief that they're the ones steering the boat. When in fact they are in steerage, just like you, only the company pays for their gym membership that they never have time to get to use.

It pains me to say all this, but I speak from experience.

A long time ago, I was promoted to Creative Director and foolishly believed I was handed the keys to the kingdom. My head swelled so much I had trouble getting in an out of my new Lexus. I was ready to make my mark on Los Angeles. The ad community. The entire ad industry. And I was ready to tell the world about it.

Thank god there wasn't any social media at the time.