L'shona Tova

It's Rosh Hashanah.

Again.

Every time I turn around it seems like it's Rosh Hashanah. Perhaps because the years seem to going faster. Which is confusing because in some respects, mostly having to do with politics, they also seem to be going slower.

I could successfully argue that one year under the current regime, feels like 10. Or 50. Or 100.

In any case, today many of my Hebraic brethren are sitting in temple. And will not see this screed, unless they bolt out of their pews to sneak outside for a cigarette break. More than likely that will be during the part of the Torah reading that goes...

"And Jacob begat Samuel, who in turn begat Esau, who begat two sons Yitzak and Schmuley, who opened a dry cleaner store that went under when they refused to pay Tony and Jimmy the Thumb."

My wife and I no longer go to synagogue for the High Holy Days. Mostly because of the High Holy Shit Ticket prices. Also because our two daughters, who attended Catholic High School (because of High Holy Private School Tuition) are now out and about in the real world.

I say "real world" intentionally.

And it brings me to the last reason why I'm at home today, drinking coffee, working and conjuring new Trump memes while you're wrapped in your finest haberdashery, fidgeting in your seat and skipping ahead in the Siddur looking for the page where you find the magic phrase:

The Torah is returned and the ark is closed.

Because in the "real world", religion has very little meaning for me. I understand those who attend services for the warmth, camaraderie and the spiritual nourishment it can provide. And don't wish to offend anyone here. That's your deal and I respect that.

But I can't get past the fact that the primary reason for being in any House of Worship is to praise God. A God I simple cannot believe exists. And so, like the lawyer who posits the poisoned fruit defense, I find the whole thing to be a House of Cards. Built on a false premise. And perpetuated, largely, by those who wield God's power for self enrichment.

If I feel this way towards my own tribe, you can imagine my disdain for those who are Jewish-adjacent.

Like the fire and brimstone Bible thumpers who, after a lifetime of flying around on private planes and living in multiple god-awful gaudy mansions, find themselves done in by cheap polaroids of sordid escapades with the pool boy.

Or imams who preach mercy, love and hospitality on one hand while simultaneously blessing the families of martyrs who had the courage to strap on a suicide vest and make that last journey, along with 50 innocent people on a bus or a pizza parlor.

Sorry to start the new year on a sour, but clear-eyed note.

If you ask me, and no one is, the good lord did not do us any favors when he sent us Abraham.

On the other hand, there's Rudy Giuliani.

Thank God for Rudy. Happy New Year.