The Purge

Another tax season is in the books.

The good news is I owed considerably less than I have in past years.
The bad news is I owed considerably less because I made considerably less.

I know we're in the "hottest economy on earth. We're hot. We're so hot." But apparently that news hasn't traveled well. And my industry, the ad industry, has fallen on hard times.

Walk into any agency these days and you'll feel like like you've walked into the Oklahoma Dustbowls of the 1930's. There's doom. There's gloom. There's plenty of room. So many seats at the Long Table of Mediocrity™ have been vacated. Either by rightsizing. Or the constant siphoning of revenue by the big dumb holding companies.

I call it The Grapes of Math.

And there's no rain in the forecast.

Perhaps the best news about chalking up another tax season is the opportunity to purge the paper remains of tax seasons past. And so, last weekend, I whipped out the shredder,  the Fellowes 2900K Series with Gnashomatic TurboDrive™.

As well as the accordion files for 2011, 2012 and 2013.

Before I began the shredding I had the brilliant idea of tossing 2011 into the fireplace. I had wood. I had starter logs. And I had about 400 pages of credit card receipts, portfolio statements and taxes from 2010 that needed to be kept away from prying eyes.

From the moment I lit the match I knew I had made a mistake. My wife started hocking me about my carbon footprint. And my backyard started going grey with fallen ash.

Per yesterday's posting, there's something oddly satisfying about doing about a mass shredding. Now the world has no record of the:

$138.79 I spent on back waxing.

$683.72 I spent for a treadmill/clothing rack

$963.21 I spent for Patio Brick Cleaning and Restoration

Pro tip for all you homeowners: brick cleaning and restoration is a complete scam.

Oh, your bricks will appear red and fresh and have that just-layed look. But it will only last a week. And the asshole who took your money will not return any phone calls. And his Yelp page will disappear. And your wife will never let you forget you spent the money on that, even though it was ten years ago and you reminded her of how much money you made on Apple stock.

Never.