I Know Nothing

On that very cold January 12th day when I walked into my first day of work as a Mailroom Clerk at Needham Harper & Steers, it was clear that with regards to advertising, I could safely say, "I know nothing."

I had no idea there were separate departments.
I had no idea how an agency operated.
I had no idea that agencies work at the behest of clients.
I had no idea how ads got made.
I has no idea I had no idea.

Despite having a freshly minted sheepskin from Syracuse University, if asked a question, my only response would be, "I know nothing."

Today, some _____ years later, including several stints at Chiat Day, time served at BBDO, Bozell, Y&R, Saatchi & Saatchi, and 15 years of toiling in the trenches as a freelancer at every dayrate-annualizing, time-seizing, soul-pulverizing ad agency across the land, I have come full circle.

I know nothing.

You'd think with that wealth of experience I would be well schooled in the precepts of modern marketing.

You'd think that since I studied and apprenticed with the industry's best, including Lee Clow, Steve Hayden, David Lubars and John Doyle, I would be a fount of marketing sagacity.

You'd think after hunting, securing and stockpiling two milk crates worth of certificates, cheap metal trinkets and dog-eared press clippings -- now gathering dust and dead mosquito carcasses in my garage -- I would be primed to hit the public speaking circuit and share my accumulated and lauded wisdom with today's advertising up and comers.

But the truth is:

I know nothing.

The engines that once drove advertising, insight, charm, persuasion and simplicity, have been replaced by data, more data, micro-targeting, Linkedfluencers and something called,  "content marketing."

I had to ask my wife, who used to sell space for Harvard Business Review, to define "content marketing." Why? because...

I know nothing.

She fumbled for a bit, because apparently she knows nothing, too. So I Googled the term. I was directed to several videos by an unshaven, hyper-hustling billionaire who didn't make much sense. But ended with the thought that 'quantity is more important than quality.'

I know nothing. 

Even the process of making advertising has become a mystery to me. What was once important isn't any longer.

Creative people used to be given time to stew and think and experiment. Now, a brief is given at 9 AM and ground breaking results are expected by noon.

Creative people used to be given solitude and space (aka offices) in order to practice their craft. Now they're given 3 square feet at the Long Table of Mediocrity™. And forced to purchase their own noise-cancelling headphones.

Creative people used to leverage their creativity and help clients make big, bold memorable statements on the largest stages available to mankind. Now we tinker with Frivolous Fuckwadian Digital Knick Knacks™, and proudly post them on a remote corner of the internet that no one will see, click or care about.

I know nothing.

Here's what I do know -- and I don't think it's ever going to change -- as a focus group of one, a jaded 44 year old who has some disposable income and consumes a fair amount of media in print, on TV and on the internet in all its various platforms:

If it's not interesting, I'm not interested.