Senator Common Man

Meet Senator John Hoeven.

He's not like you or me.

Unless you work directly for a holding company. Or, your father, CEO of the Bank of North Dakota, left you with an estate worth more than $45 million.

But that enormous, unearned wealth is exactly what makes this Senator perfect for this administration. Doesn't it?

Senator John Hoeven, a man of the people.

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3.28.19

Senator John Hoeven

338 Russell Senate Office Building

Washington, DC 20510

Dear Senator Hoeven,

I have a confession to make. 

For close to a year now, I have made it my mission to hand write a letter to every Republican Senator currently serving in the 115th legislative session. It's been an eye opening and educational venture. One in which I have picked up on the ticks, habits and peccadilloes of people like you. 

It's been informative in another way as well. Because upon turning over each and every stone, the natural habitat of the Republican Senator, it's been made abundantly clear, at least to me, that any simpleton could do a better job. 

I mean seriously, John, how hard can it be? You vote Yes on issues that are good for the American people, like: access to healthcare, education, care for the elderly, equal rights for all Americans, sensible immigration laws, environmental protection, fair administration of justice, and a host of other common sense policies.

And you vote No on budgets that increase tax breaks for wealthy fuckers, companies that want to pollute and the real recipients of government welfare, the booming industrial/military complex -- that thing Eisenhower warned us about.

It's kind of a simple binary task, isn't it?

Hell, I could get a Boy Scout from the local Culver City troop to build a two-button contraption for you. You'd simply have to hit the right button when it came time for you to vote. 

Truthfully, no one is expecting you to actually write any legislation. Or lead the charge. Or take a stand. Or really do anything that would require any moral fortitude.

After all, you're just a silver-spoon baby who took over daddy's bank and parlayed that wealth into a political position where you can push people around and, if you play your cards right, get approval for one of those "Cones of Silence" that former EPA Administrator Scott Pruitt had installed in his office. 

You need one of those, John. You know, to conduct the super-sensitive and highly confidential business of governing North Dakota.

All of which brings me to my original confession.

I am not the brightest bead in the abacus. And I'll be the first to admit it. But it seems every time I turn around to write one of these letters I find a new Senator from the Dakotas. It's as if you're breeding like feral cats. Obscenely rich, pasty white feral cats.

I know there are only four of you, but if feels like it's forty. Moreover, that disproportional representation becomes even more evident when one hits the Google. 

My jaw hit the foundation holding up my house when I discovered the population of North Dakota was only 760,077. And the population of South Dakota was slightly more at 882,235. 

I can find more people in the parking lot at Dodger Stadium on any given hot summer night.

Call me crazy, but there is something seriously wrong when close to 10% of the upper chamber is controlled by four Senators representing a million and a half not- very-bright people. 

Apart from picking you as their Senator, what leads me to believe these people are not very bright?

They live in North and South Dakota.

Best,

Rich Siegel

siegelrich@mac.com

Culver City, CA 90232