Freedom of Screech

Dear neighbor with the randomly-activated car alarm,
How blessed you must be to own a 2006 Toyota Camry.
Guard it at all costs,
Not many cars come with built in cassette player,
And cupholders, three.


Dear neighbor with the randomly-activated car alarm,
Thank you for letting the alarm do its deed.
By allowing it to sound for 13 minutes,
you protected your vehicle,
and every car on the street.


Dear neighbor with the randomly-activated car alarm,
What was I thinking, sleeping at 4 AM?
There's a woman on C-SPAN
fielding questions about internet spam.


Dear neighbor with the randomly-activated car alarm,
How lucky are we to have you nearby,
"But I didn't order ten pizzas",
you'll say to the delivery guy.


Dear neighbor with the randomly-activated car alarm,
I hope a small meteor falls on your house.
Not one big enough to hurt you,
Or your family,
No, 
actually I hope it does hurt you,
you rude, 
inconsiderate, 
self-absorbed fucktangle!!!