Chachi loves Joni

In case you didn't recognize her, that's Joni Ernst.

Senator Joni Ernst.

Years ago she campaigned on a platform of loving guns and wrestling with pigs on the farm she grew up on. I don't know how that makes her qualified to represent the people of Iowa on important policy making decisions.

But then, there's so much about this country I don't understand.

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7.26.18

Senator Joni Ernst

825 B&C Hart Senate Office Bldg

Washington DC 20510

Hi Joni,

Pardon the informality but after reading how much you used to like wrastling with the pigs and such, I didn't think you'd mind. In fact, I think you'd prefer that to the stately "Dear Senator."

By the way, it should be noted that you are letter #23 in my yearlong campaign to correspond with each and every Republican Senator in our esteemed upper house of Congress. I can't tell you how satisfying it has been to begin a real live dialogue with our US Senators.

No, literally I can't tell you.

Because to date, I haven't received one letter or email back. Nice to know our representatives value the opinions of the common man. Or, in my case, the foul-mouthed, bitterly cynical man.

I'm writing to you today because after a cursory look at some wiki pages, I noticed that your state, Iowa, is the second leading producer of soybeans. 

In years past, most notably the Obama years, when there weren't any trade wars going on, this might have been a point of pride. But today, in the dysfunctional era of Precedent Shitgibbon (again, please allow for the informality) the mention of soybeans can only lead to heartbreak.

The last I heard, the price on a bushel of soybeans had been cut in half. And with the tariffs, in China and in Europe escalating, those prices only have one way to go -- down.

Which means there'll be a glut in the market.

Which means you're likely to encounter some very pissed off farmers at your next town hall.

But I've gotten way out in front of myself haven't I Joni? 

Because just yesterday, Captain Fuckknuckle announced a new $12 billion subsidy package to soybean farmers. 

Hallelujah. 

Finally these farmers can jump on the government handout gravy train. They can start suckling on the teat of the American taxpayer. They can become the new welfare queens of the Midwest.

Our farmers, who once set the standard for hard work in America, can finally take a stroll down Easy Street. If there's a check from Uncle Sam in the mailbox, why get up at 4 in the morning. Why not sleep in? Wake and Bake? And cozy up on the couch to watch Maury Povich and Wendy Williams.

If I didn't know better, I'd say this smacks of socialism. But I do know better and I need to heed the words of the wise man in the White House who said, "What you're seeing and what you're reading isn't really happening."

 Right Joni?

Rich Siegel

siegelrich@mac.com

Culver City, CA 90232