Lets Get Heady Tuesday

Got stopped in my tracks the other day.

I saw a clip of a scientist answering a question about extraterrestrial life, a topic that's in the news quite a bit these days.

The scientist, it might have been Neil Degrasse Tyson or Bill Nye, said the question is very binary.

"There are really only two possibilities. Either there is life on other planets and considering the size of the Universe that would be billions of other planets. That's scary enough. Or, and this is a big Or, there is no life on other planets, meaning we are all alone."

His logic cannot be faulted.

And I suppose instinctually I always knew this. But I never gave it much thought. However, because we are now witnessing the apocalyptic arrival of the Four Horsemen, including the dumb one with orange hair, it merits further thought.

If you've ever seen one of those informative Angstrom-Light Year scale videos you know we are merely riding a speck of dust in an inconceivably large canvas of space that fries the human mind. It stands to reason that somewhere out there, among the trillions and trillions of other galaxies and planets there is life.

This is even more probable then Mama June gaining back more than 100 lbs. and renewing her love of soda pop.

It also stands to reason that among those life sustaining orbs, there is a civilization or multiple civilizations that are way beyond our mere 5000 years of "progress." Living organisms who have been kicking around the cosmos for 10,000, or 100,000 or even a million years. Meaning they have mastered mind control, time travel and the proper method for rebooting the modem and reconnecting to the internet.

Should we encounter one of these advanced civilizations you can be sure they would take one listen to Sean Spicey or his boss, the frothy, boil-brained wagtail and decide that Earth was worthy of an instant zapping of the Death Laser.

After all, nobody wants to live in a neighborhood with White Trash.

On the other hand, the scarier hand, we are all alone.

The only living beings for billions of light years in all directions. A fragile zoo sustained only by our wits and the haphazard whims of an angry bearded zookeeper who professes to loves us and bless us but instead taunts us with tornados, earthquakes, cockroaches, Steve Bannon and Auschwitz.

I am less comfortable with the latter paradigm. Because it lends credence to the legion of religious and political miscreants who have done nothing but add pain and suffering to our short history.

Moreover, it raises the real viability of a heaven and a hell.

And frankly, while I have no interest spending an eternity in the hot place, wiping sweat from behind my ears and knees, I'm even less thrilled by the alternative. I'm not a robe or a violin or cheery morning person.

Thankfully there's the warm, soothing, alcoholic-comfort of 21st century Nihilism.

Yeah, fuck it all.