Who said advertising doesn't work?

Ever since the NFL preseason started back in March, ESPN, The NFL network, Fox Sports and all the broadcast networks have been showing spots for Draft Kings and Fan Duel. The two premier online gambling sites for those who live vicariously through Fantasy Football.

Fantasy Football has been around for years.
And for years I've successfully resisted the urge to get involved.

Frankly, the idea of gathering around a bunch of drunk guys to watch NFL football and root for individual players, as opposed to teams, seemed a little self-defeating. And confusing. Plus, I don't own any football jerseys, which, ironically enough, are not cut to fit my barrel-chested torso.

But with all the advertising played during the games and the depiction of regular schmucks taking home millions of dollars in winnings, it was only a matter of time before I succumbed to the siren song of false promises and instant get-out-of-my-shitty-neighborhood wealth.

So, last week, a week I'm told had the highest numbers of players ever, I signed on to the Fan Duel website and plunked down my $25 deposit.

Mind you, I'm no football junkie, but I know who the good players are.

And I know when those good players are matched up against inferior teams, they are going to be at the best.

So while so many of my best laid plans have turned into shit sandwiches lately -- my tropical vacation along the seaweed-covered beaches of the Yucatan, the release of my new book which did not rocket to the NYTimes bestseller list as I had hoped, and my numerous clever attempts to quiet the god damn dog that lives in the house behind me -- my foray into Fan Duel proved to be an immediate success.

In just my first outing, I placed 26th in a field of 100 and doubled my money. I'd like to thank Peyton Manning for his solid performance. Julian Edelman (always good to have a Jew in the lineup) had a decent weekend. And finally Antonio Gates, who had a stellar return to the lineup and vaulted me into the winner's circle.

I won.
And doubled my money.

I can see where this thing can become addictive. In fact, after completing this blog posting, I'm going to begin some exhaustive research about the league's top running backs and their performance against teams that play the Nickel Defense.

But don't expect me to be bringing the Tostitos to any Sunday football parties to partake in the, wait this is from an old actual advertising brief, "shared moments of fried, chip-based conviviality."

Nope, I'm still flying solo. Cause I still can't wear those official NFL Jerseys, made from strange polyester blend that makes me sweat.

Profusely, I might add.