It's just business

I'm not a trucker hat kind of guy.

I'll wear a baseball cap on occasion, mostly to shield my bald head from the sun, but you'll never see me sporting one of these douchebag, Ashton Kutsher caps.

Especially not the one pictured above.

I know this borders on heresy, particularly since the marketing of brands has put a roof over my head, clothes on my children's back, food on the dinner table and has even given me the opportunity to fly 4,000 miles where I could sit on a Tulum beach and stare at reddish-brown seaweed.

But I don't love brands.

And chunks of past-eaten burritos always come bubbling up when I hear fellow colleagues blather on about how they do.

I wonder if these same brandaphiles also agree with the Supreme Court that corporations are people too.

Maybe it's because I never dreamed of a career in advertising. I sort of fell into it. And discovered it was a great way to make a living while exercising my desire to write. A great lucrative way, that has sustained me well into my mid 40's.

Granted, there are brands that I have liked considerably more than others. Mostly because they were willing to go out on a limb with me and my partners and let us swing for the fences. Those include ABC, Castlemaine XXXX, Bizrate, homestore, Earthlink, Acura, and Baikalskaya Vodka.

But as Sal Tessio tells Michael Corleone before he is taken away to be shot for his betrayal…

"It's was always business, nothing personal."

Thankfully, I am not, and never was, one of those Creative Directors sought out by the press for  interviews. So I never had to drop to my knees and flap my lips about loving a brand, or their DNA, or their undeniable authenticity, or their invaluable contribution to mankind.

If on the other hand, some probing reporter were to ask me if there were any brands I hate, I'd be more than willing to oblige, starting with:


Time Warner Cable

Comcast

American Airlines (or any other airline)

Dell Computers

Pabst Blue Ribbon Beer

Sit N'Sleep

IKEA

Random House Publishing

Outback Steakhouse

Chevy's Mexican Restaurants



(Before I step on any toes, I better stop there)