An Apology

Just for giggles, I decided to write out the script for the now-famous Old Spice campaign. I'm not sure this is what the script looked like, I simply transcribed it from a youtube video. 

On paper, it doesn't look like much. There's a lot of copy. A lot of screen action. And frankly, it sounds like there's too much math going on, meaning it's too complicated. Take a look:

“MAN SMELL”

:30

Open on athletic looking man stepping out of the shower, wearing a towel around his waist.

MAN: Hello Ladies.

Camera drifts in on the man.

MAN: Look at your man, now back to me. Now back to your man, now back to me. Sadly, he isn’t me. But if he stopped using lady-scented body wash…

Man holds up a bottle of Old Spice.

MAN: He could smell like he is me.

The shower behind him rises like a curtain and the props of the bathroom are pulled away, leaving the man on a boat.

MAN: Look down, back up. Where are you?

A beach shirt tied in a ring drops down and falls around the man’s neck.

MAN: You’re on a boat with a man your man could smell like.

Camera drifts in tighter on man.

MAN: What’s in your hand? Back at me. I have it.

The man is now holding a large oyster.

MAN: It’s an oyster with two tickets to that thing you love.

The oyster magically turns into a handful of diamonds.

MAN: Look again. The tickets are now diamonds.

A bottle of Old Spice rises from the diamonds.

MAN: Anything is possible when your man smells like Old Spice and not a lady.

The camera drifts back and the man is now longer on a boat, but sitting on a horse.

MAN: I’m on a horse.

SUPER: Smell like a man, man.

LOGO: Old Spice.

Whistle Mnemonic

If a young team brought me this idea when I was a Creative Director, I'm pretty sure I would have sent that team back to the drawing board. I might have said something stupid like, "there's not enough sell in this" or "make it shorter" or even "It doesn't seem funny."

And that's troublesome, because work like this can make or break a career.

I've had a lot of talented people work for me in the past, people like Margaret Midgett, David Horton, Raymond Hwang, Kenny Lee, Richard Pass, Jeff Maki, Mike Collado, Cody Spinadel, Chuck Monn, and many others. I am positive that at one time or another I killed a script that could have been this good.

And so, today I'm going to do what my family says I never do: apologize.

I am really sorry.

SIEGEL: I'm on a knee.