Assemble the Firing Squad

It has been over a month since I've posted an entry in the People We Need to Kill Series. I was surprised as you are.

OK, maybe you weren't surprised. I don't want to presume that you pay this platform the kind of attention I do. Nevertheless, it does feel like that just yesterday that I unloaded a lifetime worth of angst and rage on somebody, but that's probably just me.

In any case, with a provocative title like People We Need To Kill, I have to be very careful with my selection of targets. The chosen quarry must be universally despised and worthy of a homicidal rant. And I think if you've ever watched The Learning Channel, you'd agree that the moms featured in Toddlers and Tiaras meet those qualifications.

If you haven't I invite you to sample this wonderful clip:

I don't want to heap all my scorn on this particular mom. They are, as a group, a clowder of potato-chip munching, belt-busting, drama queens who never got enough attention in high school and are now all too willing to revisit their frustrations and project their inadequacies on their unsuspecting and, in most cases, spectacularly untalented children.

Take June, the "mom" pictured above, for example. Her Toddlers and Tiaras episode aired last fall. It was one of the most watched shows in the history of T&T. Eager for another fix of media attention, CNN reported last week that June brought her 6-year old daughter to a college bar and had her dance on stage while crazed college students threw dollar bills at her.

When my daughter was 6 we still had her on a leash. For the record we never had her on a leash, but I think you see where I'm coming from.

Here's the irony. These pageant moms and the whole beauty pageant subculture with its emphasis on cheesy decor, faux stripper routines and anti-intellectualism, seem to be most popular in the South and the Rick Santorum states -- the people who are most opposed to abortion.

The same people who could most benefit from it.