J*WS

A couple of weeks ago I pointed out the story of the Iranian Secretary Minister who called for a boycott of the London 2012 Olympics because the logo allegedly spelt out the word, Zion. Before that, there was a call to boycott Pepsi because of the absurd notion that the name stands for Pay Every Penny to Save Israel.

I have provided links, because frankly I couldn't make this stuff up.

And now, just when you thought it was safe to go back into the waters of sanity, there's this story coming out of Egypt.

A German tourist was killed while bathing near the warm waters of Sharm el Sheikh. And Regional Governor Mohamed Abdel Fadil Shousha believes the shark was trained and sent by Israel's intelligence agency, Mossad. Shousha doesn't offer any evidence that the tourist-eating carnivore originated from Israel, but like the London logo or the carbonated brown fizzy water campaign, facts/credibility/legitimacy is not a large concern in the Arab world.

Of course, just because you're paranoid doesn't mean they aren't out to get you.

Last Friday night I was fortunate enough to attend a Shabbat Service at our temple, where the congregation was paid a visit by the local Israeli consulate. In addition to detailing this year's tree-planting campaign he also shared some juicy details about Israel's ongoing battles with its hostile neighbors.

To that end, and this is certainly newsworthy, Mossad agents are cleverly working on a new hummus with altered density and specific gravity.

Once this specially designed hummus is distributed in markets and bazaars it is sure to spread havoc throughout the region. Let's say an Algerian man, or Syrian woman, dips his or her pita bread in some of the new hummus. And let's say by chance he or she drops the said pita bread. The new Mossad-formulated hummus is designed to alter the falling pattern of the  bread and land (99.9% of the time) hummus side down in the sand. Rendering the pita and the hummus completely inedible.

If that's not a testament to Israeli ingenuity, nothing else is.

Now when that same frustrated (and hungry) Arab mutters, "Damn Jews" in disgust, he won't be so far off the mark.