Good Night, Sleep Tight

I love how my computer knows me. When I needed a ceiling fan for my office/man cave, I started hunting around and within minutes I was barraged with banner ads from Fans R Us, The Fanporium, and Frank's House of Fans.

But last week, I started seeing ads for sleep apnea devices show up in the borders. Maybe my Mac with the Dual Intel Core and hyperRAM memory chips has surmised from my age and my excess poundage that I have a snoring problem. I don't.

I'm told I'm an exceptionally quiet sleeper. Unlike my brother, who lives 3.2 miles away in Playa Vista. On warm summer nights, when the wind is blowing off the ocean and traffic on the 405 is on the light side, I'm positive I can hear his distinctive log-sawing from my house in Culver City.

I can't imagine having to wear one of these contraptions and getting a good night's sleep. Nor can I imagine why I've been targeted by the sleep apnea industry. Unless of course my wife was shopping around for one of these. She does snore. A little. On occasion. Maybe once. But I do know the dog doesn't sleep in our room anymore.

I think I'd rather listen to her esophagus singing in the middle of the night than to roll over and see her outfitted like some fetishized dominatrix.

Or, would I?