What Jew Say?

According to Reuters, anti-semitism in the United States is at historic lows.

Naturally, I'm very happy about that. It's comforting to know I can walk into a Walmart or go to work and not have to hear someone grumble, "Dirty Jew". That wasn't always the case, as I put up with many of these type of indignities at my almost exclusively all Roman Catholic high school.

Reuters drew their conclusions from a poll conducted by the Anti-Defamation League. In that poll, respondents were asked to agree or disagree with 11 index statements. Though I'm not so sure about their methodologies, given that I alone disprove 10 of the the 11 statements.

Statement #1: Jews have too much power in the United States.

Really? When I was Group Creative Director at Y&R, one of the largest ad agencies in the world, I had no power whatsoever. I have even less now.

Statement #2: Jews have too much control and influence on Wall Street.

I wish I had known that before I bought stock in MCI Worldcom, KooKooRoo Chicken and Sun Microsystems.

Statement #3: Jews are so shrewd that others don't have a fair chance at competition.

That might explain why I've been driving the same used car for the past 7 years. Or why I haven't shelled out $5000 to replace my main sewer line which threatens to erupt and spew raw sewage over a large portion of Culver City.

Statement #4: Jews have a lot of irritating faults.

OK, this statement happens to be true. Having lived through countless Seders and Rosh Hashanah dinners, this statement is 100% true. In fact the words "a lot" are a bit of an understatement.

My only qualification is (and this blog has offered ample proof),

"Yes, Jews do have a lot of irritating faults, but then so does everybody else."