Thursday, January 10, 2019

No country for old men

This is confused Kansas Senator Pat Roberts. Photographed here as he was coming out of the janitor's closet, which he had mistaken for the entrance to Senate commissary.

But let's not be too harsh on the guy.

Besides governing the most powerful country on the planet, there's only so much an 82 year old man can do.



Senator Pat Roberts
109 Hart Senate Office building
Washington, DC 20510

Dear Pat,

News broke last week that you will not be seeking reelection to represent Kansas in 2020. That's sad.

The good news is you'll be around long enough to be included in my book of letters to every Republican US Senator. In fact, you are letter #38. 

I think.

It's hard to believe an energetic and youthful 82-year-old man like you would give up his powerful seat in senate. Frankly, I don't know how they will continue on without you.

I'm sure the good homespun folks in Topeka are planning to honor you for your legendary service. But in case they get sidetracked by a tractor pull or another red golf cap rally to genuflect at the feet of Captain Fuckknuckle, let me take this opportunity to go through some of the career highlights of Senator Pat Roberts.

Let's start with the issue you and many of your colleagues believe is a non-starter. You famously once said, "There's no question there's some global warming, but I'm not sure what it means. A lot of this is condescending elitism."

That's me; I'm one of those condescending elitists. If by elitist you mean college educated people who rely on the word of scientists as opposed to Sunday morning preachers who would rather turn the wheel over to Jesus.

But Pat that was not the only time you stuck your oversized foot in your mouth. Perhaps in the goal of achieving symmetry, you tried to insert the other foot as well. 

Remember when you were discussing the American Healthcare Act and Alice Olstein asked if you were in favor of removing certain mandated coverage? To which you replied, in superb cavalier manner, "I wouldn't want to lose my mammograms."

That's genius, Pat. 

Pissing on the graves of thousands of mothers, daughters, sisters and wives who lost their lives to breast cancer, just so you could make a cheap joke and score a few political points in the name of Tea Party austerity.

But Pat, your bone headedness is legendary and will speak volumes about your time in the Senate long after you have fed the worms.

You were against same sex marriage, no surprise there.

You voted against the Feinstein Amendment, which would have banned suspected terrorists from buying guns. Because, you know, even terrorists have 2nd Amendment rights.

And you were a full-throated supporter of the Patriot Act, giving the president authority for warrantless surveillance, except maybe when the president is black and he's trying to fend off Russian intervention in our elections. 

We can't have that.

Let's also talk about what you didn't do. 

For instance, remember when Precedent Shitgibbon could not take time from his busy day, making phone calls and eating KFC, to visit the Arlington Cemetery? On Veteran's Day? You, a former Marine Captain, said nothing. 

Semper Fi -- Always faithful.  
Well, almost always, right Pat?

One last item I noticed on your Wikipedia page that your birthday is April 20. 

I'm sure you're not aware of this, but 4/20 is a day revered by marijuana aficionados. It also happens to be Adolf Hitler's birthday. 

There can be no doubt as to which way your sentiments lean.


Rich Siegel
Culver City, CA 90232

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