Thursday, May 24, 2018

The Ass in Sasse

Thursday Thrashing Letter #15.

Meet Senator Ben Sasse. A PhD from Yale as well as a degree from Harvard.

Arguably the smartest man in the US Senate and also one of the most despicable.

Get in the barrel, Ben.



Senator Ben Sasse
B40E Dirksen Senate Building
Washington DC 20510

Dear Sassy,

Congratulations, you are letter #15 in my ongoing campaign to handwrite letters to each and every one of the Republican United States Senators.

It's my general understanding that you, Senator, are one of the good ones. And by that, I mean I am employing extreme relativism. It's as if I were being given a choice to pick up dog shit at a kennel.

Would I choose the 110 lbs. St. Bernard that almost fainted while depositing his breakfast, lunch and dinner, and gave birth to a promising sinkhole?

Or, would I opt for the constipated Chihuahua that really is nothing more that a rat in a dog suit?

You sir, are the rodentially-related Chihuahua.

You may be asking, "What have I done to deserve such antagonism?" For that, let us turn to the pages of Exodus and the Hebrew's celebration of their passage, whereupon one son turns to his father before the ceremonial Passover meal and says,

"What makes this day different from any other?" (OK, he says night but let's look at the bigger picture shall we?)

Because on this day, your president, your Commander in Chief, the head of your political party has launched a scorched Earth attack on our Justice Department and the FBI. The likes of which this world has never seen.

He has undercut and undermined one of the cherished institutions that has served this nation (unlike our bone spurs impaired leader) protected this nation and put in place the guardrails that keep our democracy on track.

And you, Sassy McSassy have said and done nothing.


Even more appalling is the fact that you are a graduate of Harvard University. And a doctorate in History from Yale University. You are a man of Letters and yet you choose to ignore your checks and balances responsibilities and enable this authoritarian to run roughshod over our Constitution.

You know better.

I know you know better.

Your constituents in Nebraska know better. Ok, maybe they don't. They're still trying to figure out how the expansion strap on the back of their MAGA cap works.

There can be only one explanation for your non-response.

You want to get re-elected. You want to get re-elected so bad that you are willing to ignore your senatorial responsibilities, the oath you took and all manner of common decency just so you can go back to your cushy job in DC.

Are the Monte Cristo sandwiches at the Senate commissary that good?

You are what we in the corporate world call a Careerist. You've put your ambitions, your cravenness and your political aspirations above all else. Moreover you've done it at a time when our nation desperately needs backbone and fortitude.

At this point in the letter, as I have done with the previous 14, I normally craft some kind of funny, stinging crescendo of a paragraph that mellifluously trips off the tongue and amuses both the letter recipient as well as the 20,000 readers of my blog where all the letters are reprinted every Thursday. But today, my rage is running on the redline and will therefore issue you a special dispensation.

Instead, I'll leave you with this: 
Трахните тебя
Rich Siegel
Culver City CA 90232

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