Tuesday, May 15, 2018

Let your freak flag fly

I'll give you, the faithful readers of RoundSeventeen, fair warning.

We are now officially in the home stretch. My oldest daughter is about to graduate from the University of Washington in a matter of weeks. That degree did not come easy. And I'm not talking about the hours of classes, the endless labs, and the mountain of thesis papers she had to write.

I'm referring to the obscene out-of-state tuition I had to shell out for four long years. So this graduation is not only hers. It's mine. And you can be sure I'm gonna get my money's worth out of it.

With a flurry of UDUB postings.

It begins here.

If any of you are parents, or you're going to be parents, or even if you're friends with folks who are growing a family, you know there are motherhood manuals up the ying yang. Or up the Placental Canal as the case may be.

There's very little however for dad's.

Oh there might be books for young fathers about What to Expect When You're Expecting, but let's face it, we're not gonna read that crap. Particularly if LeBron is staging a fourth quarter comeback or Tiger is going for another green jacket.

Daddyhood, I found, is a self taught occupation. And one of the things I've learned, particularly as a father of two girls, is that it's my job to embarrass them whenever possible. I mean thoroughly embarrass.

I've talked with other fathers, practiced in the art of sticking restaurant straws up the nose and guerrilla Facebook postings on errant open laptops, and this is our duty. It's one I take seriously.

To wit, the picture above.

That's an official 3 foot by 5 foot University of Washington Flag. Or as I call it 15 square feet of prime purple and gold humiliation, flying proudly above my front porch.

Naturally I didn't just hoist this mammoth flag for all of Culver City to see, I snapped a bunch of photos and texted it to my daughter so she could witness my handiwork.


"Take it down."

"That's so embarrassing."

Followed by a string of expletives to indicate her absolute mortification.

Mission Accomplished. And I have just begun.

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