Monday, March 19, 2018

Suck it 60 Minutes

The nation eagerly awaits the broadcast of the Stormy Daniels' interview on the upcoming edition of 60 Minutes.

But citing the hilarious Kim Jung Fun tumblr and the breakthrough work in anecdotal journalism at Roundseventeen, Stormy Daniels, star of pole-adorned stage and besmirched computer screen, has agreed to sit down for an exclusive one-on-one with our editors.

RS: Thanks for taking the time to talk with us about President, David Dennison. You must be extremely busy right now.

STORMY: I am. My Make America Horny Again Tour is going like gangbusters. Last week I featured at Juggalos in Tampa Bay. And I'm scheduled for additional appearances at Mt. EverBreast in Detroit and Pocket Rockets in Sacramento.

RS: So it's our understanding that you met President, David Dennison, at a golf tournament in Reno. Did he know who you were?

STORMY: Yes. He did. I was very flattered. He said he knew all my work.

RS: He could have been just smooth talking you.

STORMY: That occurred to me as well.

RS: But?

STORMY: He was familiar with my entire filmography. He said he really enjoyed my starring role in Pussy Sweat. He thought the acting had a unique energy. And that my performance was riveting. In fact, he said he enjoyed the movie so much he went back and watched it again. And again. And then again, 5 hours later.

RS: Would you describe your relationship with President, David Dennison, as intimate?

STORMY: You know I can't talk about that. But I can say this, intimacy is kind of relative. Particularly considering my line of work. And the fact that I have had non-intimate relationships with 12,397 men. Oh wait, 12,398, there was this really cute guy working the counter at the Circle K when I was getting gas this morning. (WINKS)

RS: Let's put it this way, did the relationship go beyond the one night at the golf tournament? In other words, did you see President, David Dennison, after that?

STORMY: I did. Not many people know this but he was extremely curious about the biz and said he wanted to come to a shoot.

RS: He wanted to come to a porn shoot?

STORMY: Yes. So I invited him down to the set of Porking with Pride 2.

RS: You're telling us the President of the United States of, David Dennison, came to the set of Porking with Pride 2?

STORMY: Yes. Now keep in mind I wasn't in the original Porking with Pride 1, so I really wanted to do a good job, you know for the sake of the Porking with Pride franchise. So I really brought it, if you know what I mean.

RS: And did he enjoy it?

STORMY: He did, but then he disappeared to the bathroom for about 20 minutes and when he returned he looked bored. He sat down with his iPad. I think he was playing Words With Friends.

RS: We don't know how this is all going to end, but if your allegations about President, David Dennison, pan out, there's a good chance your films could end up in the presidential archive or the Smithsonian Institute. How exciting is that?

STORMY: Wow, I hadn't really thought about...(PHONE RINGS) I have to take this call.

A three minute PAUSE. Stormy comes back.

STORMY: I'm sorry, but I'm going to have to cut this short. My friend Venus Uranus was going to feature at Starbutts, but she came down with strep throat. I'm gonna sub in. Thanks again. You're a doll.

No comments: