Thursday, March 22, 2018

Down Goes Dean

You know what day it is.

It's time for our Thursday Thrashing.
Today is our tenth letter to a Republican US Senator.
We're already at 20% of our goal.
Time goes fast when you're flagellating our most flagellation-worthy politicians.


3 -22-18

Senator Dean Heller
324 Hart Senate Office Building
Washington, DC 20510

Dear Senator Heller,

Can I be frank with you?

The truth is, until Precedent Shitgibbon singled you out last year for your possible NO vote of the ObamaCare repeal and replace proposal, I had never heard of you.

I'm guessing the majority of Nevadans, in perpetual search of hookers, alcohol, high paying slot machines and $7.99 breakfast buffets, had never heard of you either.

I mean let's face it you've hardly established yourself as that "unstoppable legislative force from Castro Valley."

Moreover, your reputation as a wispy empty suit was only reinforced when you sat next to Captain Fuckknuckle and donned a shit-eating grin while he humiliated you before your colleagues and a nation of onlookers who collectively thought...

"Who's that dipshit?"   (No offense.)

And yet for all that non-noteworthy anonymity, you sir, are #10 in my Thursday Thrashing series of letters to all 51 Republican US Senators.

A person of normal intelligence might be asking, "What have I done to deserve such an honor?" But I think we can all agree you're hardly a person of normal intelligence. The fact that you are running for re-election is testament to that.

Speaking of the upcoming Nevada Senatorial race, it's my understanding that you will be facing off against Democrat Jacky Rosen. Naturally I'll be pulling for her. Because as one Internet meme put it, "any vote for a Democrat is a vote for a future jury panel on the Trump impeachment."

But I'm not just willing to write a check and voice my support for Ms. Rosen, I want to do more.

I have to do more.  

Because, if I can be frank again, people like you are fucking up this country; adding to our national debt, regressing social advancements, fueling tribalism, supercharging corruption and destroying national institutions like the free press and the Department of Justice.

So, I'm throwing a monkey wrench into the machine.

And by that I mean I'm hoping to siphon off Republican voters, who would vote for you, by throwing another, more qualified, more stately, more dignified Republican candidate into the mix.

Meet Bull Feces.

You may scoff and think you can't run a 50 lbs. bag of manure for the US Senate. I would remind you of that old legal maxim, "in today's litigious society, you can sue a ham sandwich."

Additionally, we live in a special time when technology makes it possible to create and design an entire political campaign right from the comfort of our desktop.

This is but a small sampling of the campaigning I will be doing on behalf of Bull Feces. If I can secure 1000 write in votes in the November election -- that's 1000 votes that won't go to you -- I will consider that a victory.

There is an upside to all this, Dean.

You see while I doubt you can stand toe to toe with Ms. Jacky Rosen in a one on one debate. I'm betting that you have the skillset and the intellectual firepower to hold your own with the Republican challenger.

Or, in the parlance of Nevadan's, I've have you 3-2 over Bull Feces.


Rich Siegel
Culver City, CA 90232

1 comment:

Rocket Ron said...

Bull Feces is my favorite Republican.