Tuesday, February 13, 2018

End Times in the Cocky Mountain State

Meet William Tapley.

Bill doesn't like to go by that name, he prefers you address him as The Third Eagle of the Apocalypse.

Anyone who chooses that moniker had better have some serious religious credentials. Or skate perilously close to forced institutionalization. Billy meets the latter criteria.

I became aware of Triple Eagle thanks to my Facebook Memory thingie. Turns out I had written about him 8 years ago when he took to the YouTube airwaves to discuss the temporary blackout during Super Bowl 45.

You remember that don't you? That's when half the stadium went dark because of an electrical outage. Triple Eagle saw something more sinister and contended it was all part of a subtle AntiChrist conspiracy. Fueled in part by the Hyundai Corporation, who aired a whopping than 5 commercials that year.

If you do some Googling and venture a little further into the Third Eagle Rabbit Hole, you'll find all kinds of hidden End Times messages buried throughout the Hyundai spots.

Connecting ad people to the efforts of the AntiChrist was fascinating. Particularly since my buddy Max was a Creative Director at Hyundai and was, at the time, in cahoots with the Dark Lord.

I remember once, Max and I went to dinner and he left me to pick up the check. After he had gone out of his way to order a calamari appetizer, no less. I thought that was sinister and sleazy at the time but had no idea he was an agent of Hades himself.

Fuck you, Max.

Turns out Triple Eagle has been predicting our end times for many years now.

and 2018. (Although with Captain Fuckknuckle at the helm, he's got a good shot his number will come in this year.)

In any case, I decided to do a little digging on Triple Eagle, who has quite a bit to say on any number of topics and can find the handiwork of Lucifer everywhere on the planet. Particularly at the Denver airport.

I'm not a big fan of airports. I don't like flying. And I don't like crowds. But, as my daughter goes to the University of Colorado in Boulder, I actually find myself at the Denver airport quite a bit. And I have to say, it's one of my favorites. It's big. It's clean. It's efficient. Most of all it's easy. You get in and you get out with amazing speed.

That's all ruined. Next time I'm there, I'm sure I'm gonna see penises everywhere I look.

Thanks a lot, Triple E.

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