Tuesday, January 2, 2018

The future is coming

And we're back.

Of course when I say 'we' I mean 'I' in the fictional collective sense, because let's face it when comes to readership of RoundSeventeen there is no 'we'. And even if there were a we, 'they' would not be reading this with any type of anticipation.

2017 is in the books. And it was not at all pretty. I'll spare you the Shitgibbon-dominated recap. And suggest, instead, that we look forward to 2018. In fact, I'm going to boldly make some predictions for the upcoming year.

This will be a bit unusual as the 8 regular readers of this blog know, I have great disdain for soothsaying. My cynical, substantially-large nose gets turned up at anything having to do with: astrology, tarot cards, palm reading, Mercury in (or out) of retrograde, ouji boards, mediums, tea leaves, and/or fortune cookies.

Nevertheless I'm putting on my wizard cape and feel very confident that we are going to see the following:

* A monumental presidential slip of the tongue. It'll be hard for Precedent Shitgibbon to top the flops of 2017, which included calling a standing US Senator a whore, claiming Nazi's were very fine people, calling Puerto Ricans lazy who "wanted everything done for them", arguing with a Gold Star widow, and insulting intelligence of anyone who ever graduated high school with his childish, bullying narcissism. But he is the Commander in Chief and I have great trust in him and believe he will rise (in this case, lower) himself to the occasion.

* Shots Fired. On the heels of my previous prediction, I also think we will once again be at war. I should say we will be adding another war to our already significant list of current wars: war in Afghanistan, war in Syria, war on drugs, war on women, war on minorities, war on truth, war on intelligence, war on humanity, war on civil rights. Thankfully however, the War on Christmas is officially over. I know it's very early, but I just can't stop saying it, so for 2018, "Merry Christmas."

* Business will rebound. Despite the incredible flurry of activity during the last month, financially-speaking, 2017 was not a good year. Compounding that, I even made the mistake of moving a good deal of money out of the stock market, taking profit from the Obama years off the table. No tears here. I know my people are supposed to be good with money so not reaping the benefits of the Dow's meteoric soaring over the last year stands as a huge mistake. But the fact is I simply didn't, and still don't, have any confidence in the business acumen of a guy who has declared bankruptcy four times and had to pay out 25 million dollars for running a scam university.

That said, I do believe brands and marketers are starting to see the analog light thru the digital smoke and mirrors. And there will be a return to old school tools of mass persuasion, tv, print, outdoor and, I hope, radio. I also predict one big agency in NYC will start calling on a semi-regular basis, taking full advantage of the inexpensive day rates (relatively), the years of experience and the incredible no-drama, electronic delivery of meeting-worthy material. I just don't know which agency that will be.

* The return of the West Coast drought. It's already January and here in Los Angeles we have not had a drop of rain since last April. This hasn't stopped Angelenos from watering their yards, washing their cars (sometimes twice a week) and posting rain alerts on Facebook every time a good thick fog rolls in.

I'm sure it has nothing to do with global warming. I'm doubly sure we can trust the situation is in the hands of good folks at the current EPA, which now includes, two former VP's from Goldman Sachs, an analyst from Meryl Lynch, an ex-security guard at Trump Casino, Atlantic City, and a former real estate agent from Boca Raton who sold the most condos in 2014, 2015, and 2016.

* And finally, in 2018 my wife and I will be celebrating monumental birthdays. I won't say which one for Debbie, but I will miraculously be turning 44. Again. Where does the time go? To mark the occasion and the graduation of our daughter from University of Washington and the end of tuition bills, we hope to sojourn to Africa for a safari and extended vacation. That is, if it's still standing or Eric and Don Jr. haven't shot up all the wild life.

In any case, it's a new year, let's make a good one. (We deserve it.)

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