Monday, October 9, 2017

Shitgibbon, from dooooowntooooown.

Last week, you might have seen this photo op of Precedent Shitgibbon tossing paper towels to the Puerto Rican proletariat. As one of my Facebook friends pointed out, he could have simply stood by the flatbed truck and handed them out, but in all his wisdom, our fucknuckle in charge decided to stage it like some vaudevillian event.

I have no doubt that some, or at least one, of his brighter aides, and by definition anyone other than Precedent Shitgibbon is brighter, tried to dissuade him from this notion.

I find myself trying to picture how that conversation might have gone....

AIDE: So, Mr. President you'll stand beside this large flatbed truck and hand out care packages to the Hurricane victims, say few nice respectful words, blah, blah, blah, and then we'll move on. We'll have you back aboard the Air Force One in 20 minutes.

PRECEDENT SHITGIBBON: Care packages? Crackers, peanut butter and carrot sticks?

AIDE: Not good?

SHITGIBBON: They have no pizzazz.

AIDE: Pizzazz?

SHITGIBBON: This is something Obama would do. I need something that's gonna pop for the cameras.

AIDE: Pop?

SHITGIBBON: How about this? We go inside an air conditioned room, cause this heat and humidity are killing me, I stand by a table flanked by 200 rolls of Paper Towels.

AIDE: Like Bounty? Or Viva? 

SHITGIBBON: I like the ones with big, brawny guy. You know, the one that looks like me.

AIDE: It's kind of last minute but I'll...

SHITGIBBON: And then I shoot the paper towels to the people.

AIDE: I'm not sure I understand, Mr. President.

SHITGIBBON: I know you don't. Look, this is an opportunity to show the world I have big hands.

AIDE: You mean a big heart, right?

SHITGIBBON: No, I mean big hands. If I shoot the paper towels like a free throw or a three pointer the cameras will be focused on my big hands.

AIDE: So you want people to think you have big hands? And that you can shoot like a basketball player?

SHITGIBBON: Most basketball players are African American. 

AIDE: Right.

SHITGIBBON: And most have big hands.

AIDE: Right.

SHITGIBBON: And what else do most big-handed African American players have?

AIDE: Big bank accounts?


AIDE: Uh....big penises? 

SHITGIBBON: Bingo. Put the table over here. We'll have the cameras over there. And I'll shoot the paper towels from here. Oh, is it too late to get a headband?

1 comment:

george tannenbaum said...

I went to a chat over the weekend during the NYer Festival, with Carl Bernstein, Jane Meyer, Jo Becker and Greg Someone.

About four Pulitzers between them.

They claimed Rump had originally wanted to throw canned goods to the audience.
One of his aides told him that wasn't a good idea