Tuesday, October 17, 2017

"Did you bring your Cassio?"

I like cheese.

The kind you can melt on a sandwich, making almost anything edible including liver, Jewish brisket and 3 day old tilapia.

But I also like the cheese that shows up on TV.

And no one does cheese better than Cellino & Barnes, who in addition to being top notch injury attorneys specializing in twisted ankles, sidewalk cracks and slippery handrails, are also the undisputed champions when it comes to late night television advertising.

Turns sideways and let me place this ear worm in your head.

That is a work of art.
Cellino and Barnes may be the Gilbert & Sullivan of our times.

There's so much craftsmanship that has gone into this jingle. And I know, from experience.

 I've told this story many times, but years ago my partner and I had to do a spot for Outback Steakhouse. I can't remember whether I wrote the jingle (if I did, it was involuntary) but I do remember recording it at a jingle house on West 57th Street, in the house that Crackerjacks/Rheingold/Marlboro built.

These were skilled musicians, who having unsuccessfully plyed their wares at smoky Greenwich Village jazz bars, turned to the more lucrative world of jingle-making. Their attention to detail was both impressive and, given the nature of the final product, horrifying.

I can't help but to imagine the same pride and professionalism went into the Cellino & Barnes sessions.

LEAD SINGER: Something's not right.

SINGER A: Maybe we should try a C flat?

SINGER B: That downbeat isn't cutting it for me.

SINGER C: I have an idea.

LEAD SINGER: Lay it on us, daddio.

SINGER C: What if we try it like In...jur...ee Attorn...eys  888...8888.

LEAD SINGER: It's 3 o'clock in the morning, what have we got to lose?

I don't know if that's how it happened. I only know that somehow the gods of creativity smiled upon Cellino & Barnes that day. And millions of Americans, who might have had a head-on, T-bone or rear end collision, finally knew where to take their legal woes.

Update: Sadly, Mr. Cellino and Mr. Barnes are no longer on speaking terms. They've decided to take their ambulance chasing legal expertise and go their separate ways. Should Cellino or Barnes return to recording studio to go solo and write a new jingle, it's safe to say they're going to have a hard time topping themselves.

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