Thursday, March 16, 2017

"What is... WTF?"

Confession time.

I'm a Jeopardy Freak. When I get booked for a job and need to work onsite, I often make it clear that day starts at 9 or 9:30 and goes until Just-Enough-Time-To-Jump-On-The-405-So-I-Can-Get-Home-For-Jeopardy.

Don't talk to me about DVR's, I want to watch the show live.

One reason I love Jeopardy is because while I don't know a lot about things, I do know a little about a lot of things. Geography. History. Biology. Sports. State Capitols. All in my wheel house. English Royalty, Shakespeare, literary characters (though I'm working on this), not so much.

And on any given night I generally fare better than the contestants.

Which brings me to more confession time.

When it comes to watching Jeopardy, I'm a multi-screener. Meaning that while Alex is making some dumb misogynistic remark...

"Tonight we've got the little ladies. I hope these clues blow wind up your skirts."

...I also like to keep my iPhone at the ready.

Because the only thing more enjoyable than watching these contestants and their little ticks, is dialing up the Twitter search to see the real time tweets of fellow Jeopardy viewers. Nothing brings out the best in people more than a buxom paralegal from Des Moines who knows that Vilnius is the capitol of Lithuania.

"Jeopardy contestant Karen has the best breasts I've ever seen. I'd like to father her children."--@doug127

Doug is hardly alone. Turns out there are many lovelorn fans out there in Jeopardy world. And every woman who appears on the show, regardless of her appearance, is subject to these unsolicited attempts at woo. Not all of them so poetic.

"The minute she's off the show I want to drive that redhead Chrystal, straight to PoundTown." --@horndog58

Of course testosterone is a fickle beast and sometimes the tweets turn the other way, particularly when a contestant has an annoying lisp, or twitch, or even the way he holds the buzzer.

"I'd like to take that buzzer out of Rob's hand and shove it where the sun don't shine. Where the sun don't shine for 800, Alex." --@angryman29

Jeopardy has it all: trivial knowledge, contestant watching and contestant watching-watching. It's the trifecta of uselessness. Add to that the aura of unrequited sex and empty threats of violence.

It's a pitch perfect reflection of America 2017.

1 comment:

george tannenbaum said...

I prefer "Half Wits."