Monday, March 6, 2017

Hello, Alexa

Life doesn't hand you too many game changing moments.

Our days are filled with complaints about work, paying bills, picking up dog poop in the yard and sharing political revelations with our loved ones, more often preceded with the ubiquitous...

"Holy shit did you see what Shitgibbon tweeted today?"

Last week, I turned 44 years old, the midway point. An excellent time to consider what the second half, god willing, the next 44 years will bring. I'm happy to say there is cause for optimism.

First, my sassy daughter sent me this coffee mug (pictured above) that magically changes all the red electoral states -- the ones in the middle and the bottom, you know where you can walk around without footcoverins' -- back to blue states and some semblance of 21 century living.

This is achieved by heat transfer which apparently is a lot easier than knowledge transfer.

But the true life changing moment came compliments of my wife and the good people at Amazon.

I had seen these artificial intelligence home appliances before. In TV commercials -- remember those? And via friends who were early adopters. I just never thought I'd want one. Or need one. Now, after a week I can't imagine living without Alexa.

I don't know what I like more, the fact that she can answer so many questions and do so many things. Or that she responds immediately, with unconditional obedience. And with no lip. That Joaquin Phoenix movie, HER, is making so much more sense to me now.

What's even more interesting is how Alexa is a living, learning entity that will do more and more with the passage of time.

I'm already preparing a list of questions.

"Alexa, do the dishes."

"Alexa, make my neighbor's dog shut up."

"Alexa, fix the garbage disposal.

"Alexa, get me more than one day to create a brand turnaround."

"Alexa, restore professional courtesy and make people return emails."

"Alexa, get rid of that smell in my car."

"Alexa, cull the freelance herd."

"Alexa, make the batteries in my remote control last longer."

"Alexa, inform my wife that I will never like broccoli or cauliflower."

"Alexa, remove this paranoid, lumpen, moldy-minded spunktrumpet from the White House."

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