To the Honorable Recep Tayyip Erdoğan,
With the unfortunate sudden departure of Lt. General Michael Flynn, it’s my understanding that you may be looking for a new lobbyist in Washington, DC.
At first glance, I may not strike you as the most qualified candidate.
However, upon second glance you will notice that I have spent the bulk of my 44 years as an advertising copywriter. And made quite a decent living in the area of persuasion. Effectively getting people to want, what they don’t even need --everything from brown fizzy sugar water to desktop computers.
In 2002, while a Group Creative Director at the esteemed Young & Rubicam, we staged the Unwrap A Jaguar Sales Event and sold more crappy Jaguar X-Types than ever before.
I don’t possess any experience in the Beltway, but it’s clear from the last 5 weeks that is hardly an impediment.
You may be asking, “why leave the lucrative world of advertising for the world of international lobbying?”
Well, even if I were to charge the excessive day rates of my NYC colleagues or double dip, writing manifestos, banner ads and page takeovers, there’s no way I could rack up the $530K you paid Mr. Flynn.
Make no mistake however, my motives are more than monetary.
I have a genuine interest in geo-politics. Though I’ve never been to Turkey, I will say that Thanksgiving is one of my favorite holidays. I have had your taffy. And in my humble opinion, the Alan Parker-helmed Midnight Express still stands as a cinematic masterpiece.
Also, my children are in college so my wife and I have a great deal of flexibility. And if I can be frank with you, Recep, we can use a change of scenery, as the neighbor’s dog never stops barking.
I’ve enclosed a resume for your perusal. Please let me know as soon as possible so I can give ample notice to the movers.