Saturday, March 11, 2017

An Open Letter to Turkey


To the Honorable Recep Tayyip Erdoğan,

With the unfortunate sudden departure of Lt. General Michael Flynn, it’s my understanding that you may be looking for a new lobbyist in Washington, DC.

At first glance, I may not strike you as the most qualified candidate.

However, upon second glance you will notice that I have spent the bulk of my 44 years as an advertising copywriter. And made quite a decent living in the area of persuasion. Effectively getting people to want, what they don’t even need --everything from brown fizzy sugar water to desktop computers.

In 2002, while a Group Creative Director at the esteemed Young & Rubicam, we staged the Unwrap A Jaguar Sales Event and sold more crappy Jaguar X-Types than ever before.

I don’t possess any experience in the Beltway, but it’s clear from the last 5 weeks that is hardly an impediment.

You may be asking, “why leave the lucrative world of advertising for the world of international lobbying?”

Well, even if I were to charge the excessive day rates of my NYC colleagues or double dip, writing manifestos, banner ads and page takeovers, there’s no way I could rack up the $530K you paid Mr. Flynn.

Make no mistake however, my motives are more than monetary.

I have a genuine interest in geo-politics. Though I’ve never been to Turkey, I will say that Thanksgiving is one of my favorite holidays. I have had your taffy. And in my humble opinion, the Alan Parker-helmed Midnight Express still stands as a cinematic masterpiece.

Also, my children are in college so my wife and I have a great deal of flexibility. And if I can be frank with you, Recep, we can use a change of scenery, as the neighbor’s dog never stops barking.

I’ve enclosed a resume for your perusal. Please let me know as soon as possible so I can give ample notice to the movers.


Rich Siegel

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