Considering my longstanding membership in the Tribe, you might find it strange, but I too have Christmas traditions. As in year's past, this most wonderful time of the year can only mean only thing -- the reappearance of the Caganer.
Caganer, you say, what the hell is a Caganer?
I'm glad you asked.
It started in 17th century in the northern regions of Spain, when local villagers were preparing their outdoor Nativity scenes. Some wiseguy, decided that in addition to Jesus, Mary, Joseph, the three wise men and their camels, there needed to be an old man outside the manger squatting down and leaving a big steaming dump for all to enjoy. All during the birth of our Lord and Savior, no less.
Rumor has it that it had something to do with fertilizing the land and guaranteeing a fruitful crop come harvest time. I don't buy that for a second and believe it had more to do with an overconsumption of low-grade Sangria.
In any case, the practice of putting a Caganer -- literally The Shitter -- outside Nativity scenes caught on. And before long a new Christmas ritual was born.
It wasn't just Catalonians diligently setting their nativity scenes up with a Lincoln Logcutter. The practice has now spread to southern France and other regions of the European continent. And lest you doubt the veracity of my human tail tale...
That's a 25 foot high Caganer in a mall just outside Barcelona.
I've had friends returning from Europe gifting me with little Caganers.
And if you're interested, you can purchase one online.
Seeing as there are caganers available in everything from Pope form to Madonna to even the late Fidel Castro, it should come as no surprise there is even a new Donald Trump character. But what sets this apart is the loving craftsmanship, remarkable authenticity and attention to detail of this unique caganer.
You see in light of the President elect's troubling statements about restricting free speech, his willingness to have fascists join him in the West Wing and his thorough disregard for the emolument clause, the artisans at caganer.com have lovingly made one amendment to this very special caganer.
That's right, Mr. Trump is figuratively and literally taking a dump on the Constitution.
The next four years are going to be so entertaining.