Thursday, August 11, 2016

Thank You Kash Doll



Aerodynamically-engineered for your driving pleasure.

The Bentley ain't bad either.

For those of you not in the know, that's Kash Doll. I had the pleasure of making her acquaintance last weekend while visiting Oakland for my niece's wedding. I know what you're thinking, but Oakland is up and coming. And the hipsters have actually done a good job gentrifying the place. So watch out Niagra Falls, Oakland could become the Wedding Capitol of the World.

My family and I, in fact the whole Siegel/Weinblatt/Baker/Barger/O'Conner/Keogh clan were staying at the Courtyard Marriot in downtown.

After a 7 hour drive on Interstate 5, where one can enjoy the aroma of diarrhetic cows enjoying their last graze before making their way to the abattoir, I was looking forward to a good night's sleep.

Kash Doll and her posse Philthy Rich, had other plans.

You see, they had unceremoniously parked a $300,000 white Lamborghini in front of the hotel on Broadway. There, at the ripe of hour of 11PM, they began filming their newest (c)rap video.

Not sure what the song was about, but it involved Ms. Doll and her blinged-out friends making all kinds of hand gestures and a lot of swerving around on the hood of the car.

Not exactly the most groundbreaking approach, as I seem to recall about 7 million other rap videos of rappers mugging for the camera and doing the exact same thing.

Nor could I hear any of the "lyrics" but I did a quick audit of Kash Doll's previous work and it's safe to say the song included lots of rhymes involving:





And even more motherfuckers.

The filming, the laughing, the blasting of the music just outside my single pane window continued until 1:30 in the morning.

That is until I threw on my adidas sweat pants and made a beeline for the front desk.

I made it clear to Todd, the night manager that if he didn't stop the "music" I would make sure the Oakland PD would. And that given the opportunity I would love to review his hotel on Yelp. By the way, the footstraps on the stationary bike in the Fitness Center need replacing.

Todd assured me he would tend to the matter and asked if he could comp me the night.

I said that would be fine and that while he was trying to mitigate my rage he should also erase the minibar charges for the 2 Guiness Blond Ales ($16), a bag of Planters Cajun Flavored Nuts ($7) and the jumbo sized Snickers Bar ($9).

I won't be adding any of Kash Doll's music to my iTunes library, but I did want to thank her nonetheless for the warm Oakland hospitality.

And for exposing me to her unique brand of "art."

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