Tuesday, May 3, 2016

Can you keep it down?

If you know me at all -- I've only given you 1439 posts on this blog to manage that meaningless feat -- you know there is nothing I treasure more than peace and quiet.

If you've seen me in my natural environment, sitting in my Herman Miller chair, hands on the keyboard, and littering the Internet with random snarky comments, there's a better than 95% chance I'll be wearing my Bose Quite Comfort 15 over-the-ear-headphones.

I've now owned two pair in the course of 6 years and gone through enough AAA batteries to power a a jerry-rigged, broke-down Polish submarine around the world.

I'll watch sporting events on TV while wearing them.

I'll occasionally nap wearing them.

I've even worn them through a meal with my wife. She's fine with that and doesn't want to listen to me drone on anymore than you do.

Now, as you can see from the picture above, I have a new weapon in my arsenal to wage in the never-ending battle against unwanted noise -- whether it be barking dogs, my neighbor's annoying 6000 horsepower Ford Mustang or the 5 AM reverse beeping alarm of a garbage truck at nearby Sony Studios.

(Editorial Note: If you're standing behind a garbage truck at 5 AM in the pitch darkness of early morning and you don't have the good sense to get out of the way of a 10 ton vehicle, precipitating the need for a high pitched alarm that travels miles in all directions, you deserve to be run over and crushed like a worthless penny at a carnival midway.)

These new HUSH earplugs just arrived this morning. I'm tempted to spit out my coffee, shed my cargo shorts and climb back into bed just to try them out. I'm so excited I'm like a kid on Christmas morning, only without all that screaming and jumping up and down and excitement.

OK, bad metaphor. I'm more like an old Jew on the morning of Yom Kippur. Wake me up when I can eat.

I discovered these newfangled earplugs online and gladly signed on during their Kickstarter campaign.

Were they expensive? You're damn right they were expensive. But I've decided my daughters need to start dating men of wealth so I can spend some of their inheritance money on Me.

I'm pretty sure these new French made gadgets are going to do the trick.

After all, anytime an enemy has come knocking on their borders or threatened the sovereignty of the French nation, they've been pretty good at ignoring it and sleeping through the whole affair.

I know, a cheap joke, but I'm already getting sleepy.

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