Thursday, February 18, 2016

Colon Blow

Allow me to be honest with you.

Actually, there have been very few occasions when I have not been honest with you. This inability to mask my true feelings and deceitfully manipulate the behavior of colleagues, above all else, accounts for my professional underachievement.


Each week I approach this blog with several ideas for my semi-daily posts (which by the way are all written on Saturday morning). This week, perhaps because I am knee-deep in a project, I found myself coming up short on ideas.

I'll write it later, I thought.

The good Lord, who I don't believe in, will surely provide the necessary material. Perhaps on Monday. Or Tuesday. Or maybe even Wednesday, which would have thrown me into a last minute tailspin.

But he, or she, in their Flying Spaghetti Monster goodness, delivered the goods on Sunday morning. Submitted for your amusement, a full page newspaper ad --remember those?-- for Cologuard, the latest advancement in the dubious  world of medical screening.

From what I can gather from the ad and the overly excited man who has just received his Cologuard home testing package, the premise is very simple: you get the box, you shit in the box and you send the box back to Cologuard whose employees in the mailroom must surely be cursing their wretched shit-box receiving lives.

I give the ad agency points for staying on brief (insert underwear joke here), and employing ethnically diverse characters.

However, after spending a life in the agency world and knowing that good work often gets killed by pedantic people who have no right to kill good work, I can't help thinking there were other concepts and headlines pinned to the foam core board that might have merited further consideration...

Drop the kids off at the Post Office.

Your #2 is our #1 Priority.

Take advantage of our President's Day Special. Send us your Lincoln Logs.

What did you have for dinner last night?

"Open the pod bay doors, Hal."

And in a nod to the convenience of UPS Shipping,

What can Brown do for you?

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