Wednesday, January 6, 2016


I don't know if you've been following the international geo-political situation lately, but relations with  our old adversary, Russia, have reached an all time low. Putin has declared NATO a national threat and the Europeans are issuing more sanctions in light of Russia's indiscriminate bombing in Syria.

Apparently we want to kill the really bad Islamic fundamentalists and NOT the moderately bad Islamic fundamentalists.

Naturally, all this escalating tension happens when RoundSeventeen web traffic is soaring in the former Soviet Union.

These diplomatic conflagrations could have a disastrous impact on the precarious negotiations currently underway with the Baikalskaya Brothers and their plans to turn my book, Round Seventeen & 1/2, The Names Have Been Changed to Protect the Inefficient into a movie.

To swing the pendulum back in my favor I've decided to revisit some of my favorite online Russian Dating Sites.

If I can bring some happiness to these lonely Russian singles, perhaps Karma will return the favor.

This is Irina Svetzonski from Vlaski, a small rural area north of Leningrad. This double-jointed beauty is looking for a man who enjoys a home cooked meal. "I will bite the head off this chicken, cook it over a fire of burning tires, and we will drink vodka until the police come and arrest us for trespassing on this old Jew's farm."

Latvana from Minsk also knows that the way to man is through his stomach as she impishly displays a heart-shaped potato that says Love. The tanlines tell us Latavana enjoys the great outdoors. And the hypodermic needle on the shelf behind her tell us she might also have a taste for the China White.

Food seems to be a recurring theme and perhaps it's a great aphrodisiac in a land of few pleasures, unfinished construction projects and crazy dashboard videos. Here, Yaraslova from St. Petersburg, demonstrates her appetite for adventure. "Some men claim I'm too much woman for them. My question to you comrade is, are you enough man for this woman?"

I think Petrov, with his massive pectoral muscles, his freak flag, and his unbeatable sense of fashion and interior design, may be just the man for Yaraslova. A match made in heaven. Or at least Belarus.

If Petrov doesn't work out, there is always Igor, a man who, like many Russians, is also fond of hanging Persian rugs on the wall. Igor enjoys swordplay, stomach crunches and oddly effeminate dogs which counterbalance his raging testosterone.

And finally there is Elena. Sadly this princess/mermaid was with us when I first made light of Russian Dating Sites more than 3 years ago. She still hasn't made a love connection. I'm not put off by the bedsheets turned into a swim fin, the crooked tiara, or even the unstrung $6.99 guitar. But Elena, you might want to reconsider not drinking whatever it is you are drinking out of a mug that doubles as a skull.  

Just a thought.


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