Wednesday, December 2, 2015

Tis the Season

As a copywriter, it's my job to make you want things.

Maybe even things you don't even need.

Take the Cast Iron Giraffe Paper Roll Stand (pictured above) for example. I didn't write the copy for this one-of-kind-gift, found on, but I have spent considerable time going through the catalogue, marveling at the assortment of tshotchcockery that singlehandedly fuels the Chinese economy.

Think about it, for only $19.99 you could own this paper roll stand and have a "fun way to store your toilet paper." And who isn't looking for that?

The catalogue goes on to say…

"Our handcrafted giraffe paper holder is a whimsical and attractive accessory for storing and presenting your toilet paper or paper towels. The giraffe's long neck will deliver paper wherever you need it. Holds two rolls of toilet paper or one roll of paper towels. Decorative, functional and fun. Distressed brown finish. #40099"

They could have left it alone, but they took the time to distress the brown finish. That's some fine Taiwanese craftsmanship.

Maybe you didn't receive the catalogue in the mail and you're hoping that Rich shares more of the premium gift ideas weeks before the sacred celebration of our Savior's birth. Well you are in luck my friend.

Next up on the RoundSeventeen Shopping Network…

It's Bessie the Cow Tree Hugger.

I don't know why you need to spend $29.99 on a cow to hug your tree. And if there was any clever word play going on, I couldn't for the life of me figure it out. But I do know if you're going to the trouble of getting a 6 inch long miniature cow garden sculpture for your yard, you definitely want one made from sturdy weather resistant polyresin -- the finest polyresin West of the Yangtse.

Maybe that's too static for your taste.

Say hello to Racing Grandma and Grandad.

This, according to the catalogue is "the oldest race there is." Simply wind up the Granny and pull back the Grandad and let the race begin. Ready…steady…slow! It's hysterical fun for the whole family. Let's not forget the good folks at have thoughtfully included an online video to capture all the scintillating fun.

It's 360 degree, fully-integrated brand engagement. If they're smart, Granny and Grandpa will have an Instagram page, Live Twitter feeds and oodles of ongoing Snapchattery.

Finally, assuming you haven't had enough fun, there's this…

It's a tie.

It's a piano.

It's Both!

I don't go to too many holiday parties. And I've never been to one where some bon vivant was entertaining the crowd with moving renditions of Billy Joel classics on his Piano/Tie, but I guess it's early in the season and there's still hope.

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