Tuesday, October 6, 2015

Back in the USSR

Weeks ago, Donald Trump mistakenly mentioned how he found his daughter quite attractive -- a concept that I, a father of two daughters can't get my head wrapped around. With shovel firmly in hand, and the hole getting deeper, Trump said would even consider dating her.

You know, if she weren't his own flesh and blood.

Well, last week Vladimir Putin was sucking up the news cycle. Which got me wondering about his two daughters, seen in the picture above. And you thought I picked the photo (above) just going for the gratuitous, lurid shot of the onion rings.

Naturally, this brought me back to a blog I had done earlier this year on Russian Dating Sites. You can go back and revisit the piece here.

Having been married a long, long, long time, I never had the pleasure of Internet dating. But friends, younger than 44, tell me it's not the candy store of romance it's made out to be.

For instance, meet Ludmilla. And an excerpt from her profile page.

"Tell me where it hurts, my little Kosack. Ludmilla will make it better. Then Ludmilla will take giant eggplant and beat you on head until you surrender like the fascist dogs who dared to step foot in Stalingrad. Then I will make it better again. And the cycle of love will be set in perpetual motion. Call me, I am Ludmilla."

Maybe Cosplay is not your thing.

Maybe you're into trucks and cars and things that fit in trucks and cars. Say hello to Svetlana.

She may not be the brightest 500 watt bulb in the refurbished 1987 Ford Taurus, but what she lacks upstairs is more than made up for in her stylish good looks and her unbeatable curves. That's enough junk in the trunk for two lonely Siberian oil drillers.

I'm told Internet dating is a lot like selling real estate. And any real estate agent will tell you, you can't have an open house without good staging.

No one knows staging better than Vladlena. She's been plying her wares on the Internet since the Internet was born and she's got the 1995 600 cc Tandy microwave oven to prove it.

In addition to being a rabid AC/DC fan, Vladlena is interested in Interior design and is going for her Master's Degree via an online correspondence course at the University of Minsk. When not rocking out the heavy metal or looking for new Russian walls to adorn with tropical bamboo, you'll find Vladlena enjoying a freshly-nuked Hot Pocket (a nickname given to her by an old boyfriend.) By the way,  Hickory Ham & Cheddar is her fav.

And finally -- I'm knowlingly violating the Comedic Rule of Three -- meet Evgeniya.

This fire-breathing Georgian likes her armaments. And her ottomans. Evgeniya is a world traveller and has been to gun shows in Poland, Uganda, Laos and Florida. If it isn't clear from the picture it should be, she's all about living the unrestrained life.

I could spend all morning going through these fascinating photos and profiles. But I probably should get back to work. I forgot, I'm on the clock and somebody is paying me right now. Not to indulge in my love of kitsch but to churn out banner ads for a new data storage vehicle.

Before I go, I'll leave you with the Russian beauties who didn't make the cut in today's blog:

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