Wednesday, July 8, 2015

The Lost Wisdom of Rabbi Jose

A One Hit Wonder?

That was the discussion around the campfire last week, among many others, fueled by rum and cola and more rum.

"What ever happened to Rabbi Jose? Who is quoted only once in the Passover Hagaddah and never mentioned again."

If we can all turn to page 20 of our Haggadahs, I will quote the good rabbi. Here's some visual reference for those of you not in possession of the book read every year to celebrate the exodus of my people.

Jose, the Galilean and clearly a fancier of magic tricks, has much to say regarding the plagues that struck Egypt.

Of course, this struck us as very weird. You must be thinking, as we did, that a knowledgable man worthy of getting in the Haggadah and having his wisdom quoted for more than 3,000 years over a table of dried-out brisket, brown apples and some fakakta bitter herb concoction, had more sagacity to impart upon his followers.

Naturally, you'd be right.

I have some time before my next gig starts and so I've done a little digging. Not because I owe you, the readers of Round Seventeen that much. It's more about me procrastinating and not putting all the camping gear back in the garage.

Here's what I uncovered:

"It is prohibited to mix milk with meat. It is also unwise to eat more than 3 consecutive meals with your in-laws." -- Rabbi Jose, Kislev 8, 675 BC

"If a man offers you three goats for your daughter, check for fleas and ask for a fourth." -- Rabbi Jose, Tishrei 19, 673 BC

"If a woman layeth down with another women, it is suggested they do so in a tent with many viewing portals." -- Rabbi Jose, Elul 23, 681 BC 

"There's a strange purple-colored bush around the corner from Feinberg's hut. Touch it and you'll be chafing for weeks." -- Rabbi Jose, Kislev 15, 671 BC

"If a man is using a public toilet for more than 4 minutes it is best to find yourself a different public toilet." -- Rabbi Jose, Tammuz 3, 692 BC 

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