Next week is no time to be working at an ad agency.
And thankfully, I won't be.
I'll be gleefully employed by a client and working directly for their in-house department.
So what bullet will have I dodged?
Well today, the Adverati, that is the elite royalty of our business who have long ago given up flying in economy class or ridden in anything but a Lincoln Town Car, will be returning home from their debauched soiree in Cannes.
They'll be bringing back more than swollen livers, deviated septums and gut-busting stories about sodden CEO's and how they almost fell off the company yacht as it hit rough waters rounding the Cap d'Antibes.
They'll be coming back, dare I say it, Inspired.
And of course if an agency is going to pink slip underlings or freeze the salary of worker bees to lavish $50,000 on their top-rung creative people, that agency is going to want a return on that money.
Which can only mean one thing -- Inspirational speeches.
There will be the "We've got work harder" speech.
This despite the 60-hour work weeks, followed by the mandatory/voluntary Saturday and Sunday office appearances. We've got to press our noses so hard to the grindstone that our molars will be rattling down to the root. Because we're in the noblest of battles, advertising….er, excuse me, Advertising.
There will be the "We've got to work smarter" speech.
This despite the contracted timelines, the fluid strategies and the growing bureaucracies found on the client side of the table. We've got think outside the box. And when that's not working we've got to crawl back in to the box and keep thinking. Remember we're the brightest, most creative people on the planet. Now let's break out those emoji's and get to work.
And finally, there will be the "We need to win more awards" speech.
Of all the speeches, this is the most critical. Because as any Francophile can tell you, the only thing more important than going to Cannes, is winning a Lion so you can gloat about it when you go back to Cannes the following year.
Thankfully, I will be spared all the Rose Koolaid, the Ra-Ra-ing and ear-bending. And it's just as well, because I don't have the time for that fire-in-the-belly nonsense.
These banner ads are not going to write themselves.