Tuesday, April 14, 2015

The Phone Book, Day 2

We're now on Day 2 of The Week I Wrote the Phone Book.

If you're a little disappointed that I'm not going in alphabetical order, I'm sorry. That's just not the way this thing is going to work. When you write the phone book you can do it your way.

As you might expect, the Yellow Pages in West LA is quite exhaustive. Covering everything from Bail Bondsman to Xylophone Repair.

Some sections are quite thick.

In a city of 100 million cars, for example, it's not surprising that there is a full complement of auto shops. Plumbing too seems to be a very lucrative business, you know that is if you don't mind sticking your hands in other people's poop. I guess it's a little like advertising.

Like any other city, Angelenos love their pets. The veterinary section of the phone book goes on for an eternity. But this ad (pictured above) for Dr. Kenneth Jones, DVM, caught my attention.

For so many reasons.

Unlike other practitioners of the veterinary arts, Dr. Jones has included a mission statement:

"All humans & animals are from the same source & have the same life energy. Our hospital honors and seeks to maintain this life energy."

Dr. Ken has gone all Neil DeGrasse Tyson on us.

Talk about a walking, talking cliche of Los Angeles. I'm trying to picture his New York counterpart and how his ad might go something like this:

"Hey, if your dog is shitting all over the rug, come on in, I got pills for that."

Dr. Ken also offers Ophthamology.

It never occurred to me to have my dog's eyes checked. I'm just assuming her eyesight is fine. She finds the food when I put it out. She knows where the water bowl is. And if something doesn't agree with her stomach she always finds a way to vomit on the carpet in a spot that is the most visible. I think her eyesight is pretty damn good.

I don't mean to pick on the good doctor. I'm sure he has many happy customers and saved the lives of thousands of pets.

But he ought to rethink his advertising. There's too much messaging going on.

If you're open 7 days a week, it stands to reason you're open Saturday and Sunday.

The DreamCatcher thingamajig doesn't say ringworm cure. At least not to me.

And finally, if you insist on using a photo of yourself with a disgusting possum on your shoulder maybe it shouldn't be a possum the size of a small Grizzly Bear.

Tune in tomorrow for a spine-tingling look at chartered accountancy.

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